Joie De Vivre (Joy of Life)

I have MOVED!!!

2011-07-29T11:42:00.000-07:00

Hello Friends, please join me at my new blog http://burpragsandbustiers.blogspot.com/2011/07/fresh-start.html this one is now Null and void

DO you KNOW what your eating?

2011-05-20T14:36:00.000-07:00

DO you REALLY know? Lord knows I thought I did! That was until a friend of mine on facebook posted this link
http://www.naturalnews.com/022288_sodium_nitrite_processed_meat.html

And holy crap did it open my eyes!! Then I started thinking about my mom and her pancreatic cancer, and how she was diabetic ( wich greatly raised her risk of cancer anyways) but she also ingested ALOT of fake sugar, margarine ect, because well, she felt she HAD to! So I showed my husband the article and he was as astonished as I was, we ate alot of stuff with Sodium Nitrate in it! Bacon, ham, lunch meat. I also used fake sugar in my coffee , chewed gum with saccharin in it, drank diet soda, used margarine and all that junk, I could probably say that about 40 percent of what I ate had some sort of chemical in it.......ewwww!!!!
We decided we were done with this, and we didn't want Hudson eating this crap either, so we did a little research and foudn out about foods that you should buy organic or peel, like pear, peaches, apple and carrots, and foods grown with tons of pesticides (like strawberries). I went to the market and bought mostly organic stuff, read labels like a hawk, and seeked out alternative nitrate free meats, And What I found was, I actually spent LESS ( a little) that what I did when I just buy all regular stuff! And if you live here in Ohio I found out that Heinens own brand name products, are ALL certified organic!!!

I even chucked my microwave popcorn! And made it from scratch, like in a pan with oil! And I gotta admit it tasted better and was really fun to make!

Listen, I am not one of those people who freak out about every little thing reported on health, however, with my moms death and the odd spread of cancer in recent years, I just really think that something is behind this. And My husband I just feel better knowing we are putting natural foods in our body not chemicals.....now if I could just kick my sugar habit :)

A visit with solace and sadness

2011-05-17T19:16:00.000-07:00

On mothers day, after I picked up grandma and took her lunch, i dropped her off at home and decided to make the journey to my mothers grave site, my first since her burial in December, I knew it wouldn't be easy, I brought a pretty bouquet of flowers that reminded me of her, I pulled into the parking lot, and didn't see anyone for miles, "perfect" I thought, i wanted to be alone, for the first time I HAD to be alone, I had so much I needed to still process.

The sun was shining and lit up the entire grave yard as though it was lit from the ground up, the quiet was defining, except for the occasional sound of the warm wind that blew through the massive tree, and the birds that chirped and fluttered about.

There, third row from the front, third marker from the fence, was moms freshly grassed grave,the stone hadn't even been fully set in the ground yet, the weather around here has been too soggy.

Upon looking at the stone my eyes quickly welled up with tears, and i was caught slightly off guard by my sudden harsh sadness.

The sun warmed my back as I crouched down and talked to her, tracing her stone with my fingers,

I noticed that a bird has pooped on the angel wing on my moms side of the stone (it's a double marker for mom and dad) I jokingly said " jeese mom, even in death you get shit on !" it was a joke and she would have laughed at it, I took out a wet wipe and wiped it away.

What made me feel better, was the fact that the grounds were so perfectly take care of, people had left nick knacks and statues on the other graves, and they all remained in place, as when they were first put there by the family member. I told mom as soon as I could I would get a vase to stick in the ground, so that the flowers that i brought her, would stay fresher longer. I stayed and meditated for about half an hour, parking myself on the grass in front of her grave. The I got up and took a walk around the grounds to check out the other graves, " well mom" i said "I'm going to go walk around for a bit, you know me and grave yards! "( I have been fascinated with graveyards and death from an early age)

With that, I said my goodbyes and off I went. Once I got back to my car I sat and basked in the silence and warm glow of the sun. Then with a deep breath, I turned on the ignition, and made my way back home, no sooner did I leave the grave yard, and it began to pour. I miss you too mom.

10 Questions with my grandmother

2011-05-11T11:12:00.000-07:00

On Mothers Day last weekend, I took my grandmother out to the tea house from brunch, it had been along time since it was just her and I. When my mother passed, I started coming up with all the questions that I wish I would have asked her, I decided since we were still blessed having my grandmother with us, that I would ask a few questions and perhaps gain some useful wise knowledge.

10 Questions with my grandmother

(well 9 if you don't include the one she couldn't remember)

ME: ok grandma, I am going to ask you some questions, a little interview of sorts ok?

Grandma: oh! Ok!...well......I'm ready for my close up! Where is my hairdresser?

ME:What is your advice for a long life?

Grandma: No Smoking, no drinking in excess a good attitude and a great sense of humor.

ME:What is your advice for all mothers?

Grandma: Well did you see Dr. Phil on Friday???

ME: no I don't believe that I did lol

Grandma: Yikes! I don't want to be THAT kind of mother!

Hmmmm.....I would say, accept children as a gift from God and treat them as so.

ME: what is your advice for a good marriage?

Grandma: Honesty, communication and respect your vows.

ME: What was the happiest day of your life?

Grandma: probably the day your mother was born, she was our first and we were just so excited!

ME: What food have you never liked?

Grandma: LIMA BEANS!!!!!!!!

ME:Is there anywhere that you wish you would have traveled?

Grandma: Probably the Orient, you know China and Japan

ME: What is your favorite color?

Grandma: Red

ME: What do you think is your best feature?

Grandma: Now?? oh well......psssh.......hmmm. My legs USED to be, I always got alot of compliments on my legs. (for the record her legs are STILL awesome and she is well over 80!!!)

ME: Well thanks for answering grandma! i just have one more question

Grandma: Ok

ME: Why do your kolatchy always taste better than mine!!???

Grandma: I have no idea! The tough is very tough to mix, so maybe you just don't mix it enough.

Thanks so much grandma, for letting me pick your brain, Love you!

My recent project!

2011-05-05T08:42:00.000-07:00

So I'm sure you have noticed that I have been patchy with my blog post, I have been working on my freelance business and also playing mommy and wife and working girl! PHEW!
But one of my most proud projects as of recent, is the Making Strides For Breast Cancer Walk on May 21st. In Honor of my mother i decided to lead a team of ladies to walk for the cause! I am really proud of my team thus far, we have raised 535 dollars! If you are interested in joining, please either click the link below or the badge to the right of the page, I would be most grateful!
Here is to kicking cancers ass!!!!

Donate here!
http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR/MakingStridesAgainstBreastCancer/MSABCFY11Ohio?px=18904470&pg=personal&fr_id=28159

Things I'm loving right now....

2011-05-03T09:29:00.000-07:00

1. The Royal Wedding
Much to my Husbands chagrin, i really enjoyed watching the Royal Wedding, and I personally love Kates Style to begin with , she always looks so pulled together! And that DRESS, well it was just a classic, understated yet elegant. I also think it looked VERY similar to Grace Kellys dress.

I also love that deisgner Allen B Schwarz is making a cheaper knock off of it for around 400-800 dollars!

And the fact that is was designed out of the house of Alexander MCQueen by Sarah Burton.

McQueen was a favorite designer of mine.

2.Issey Miyake L'Eau d 'issey Florale Purfume

I love love love this perfume, so romantic and feminine and summery,it has notes of WhiteWood, Rose and citrus in it. it is definitely

on my list of mothers days gifts :)

3. Speaking of mothers day.........

This little guy has been tugging on my heart strings constantly the past few weeks, the things this kid does, I'm telling you lol

He is is own brand of entertainment lol. I took this picture this weekend, he loves his ball, or "BAWL" as he calls it.He fell earlier that morning and bruised his head and scraped his little nose, but he is a lil tough guy and took it like a champ, nothing that kisses from mommy and daddy and some sponge bob cartoons couldn't fix!

3. Working out

I am doing a 5k walk for breast cancer on May 21st. And I have been doing what I can to physically amp up for it. My new addiction is Oxygen magazine and one of it's contributors, fitness champ and breast cancer survivor! Jamie Eason!

THAT'S what I strive for! HOT!!

And she is also so inspiring, she makes me feel like I can do anything! She is right up there with Tony Horton in my book!

4. Sex and the City

They have been replaying the series On "E!" and since I didn't have HBO when the series originally premiered, I get to watch it now when I can, ugh I just love it. I used to think I identified with Samantha, but after watching it, I know know I am a Carrie Bradshaw, I swear, when I was single I had the same thought processes as her. It's just unreal, she is me if I lived in New York, worked for myself and was single.Married, I am more like a mix of Charlotte and Miranda. Stubborn and neurotic lol. ( not that that's a bad thing!)

5. Gardening and getting my yard up to gorgeous again.

This weekend the hubby and I re-arranged practically everything in our yard this weekend, I bought a forever after Hydrangea bush and an Azaelea Bush for the front,transplanted the hostas,and the burning bush.

Hubby re-landscaped the fromt yard and now it looks super clean and gorgeous. The only thing I have left to do is plant wildflowers on the side of the house, and start my veggie plants and Mint plant. Now if it would only stop RAINING!! I could do that! I swear I feel like I live in Seattle!

6. Messy Buns! Since my hair is starting to get real long, I am able to do all sorts of new stuff with it, i know I am going to have a hard time dealing with it when the humid weather does eventually get here. So I am searching for new pretty ways to get it off my neck.

Iammommahearmeroar posted this pretty three piece bun she made recently with Goody Spin Pins. I just love it!

Well that's about all of my obsessions for now! Off to slog around in my wellies and go to the gym, I figure I will see sunshine and dry weather soon...........I hope!

Someone to watch over me

2011-04-26T09:45:00.000-07:00

What I am about to say may make some of you skeptical and thats fine, I know what I know and i am perfectly fine with it ( of course I do seem to be justifying myself here but...I digress)

I have been making a little bit of progress on dealing with my mothers death, i got through Easter without alot of tears and I have for the most part been coping.

Last night something strange happened, I went to bed before my husband,I turned down the sheets and nestled under the covers, turning my back to the nightstand and curling into a ball like I do every night. I close my eyes, and I get this crazy feeling of someone standing next to my bed, I turned around a looked and saw nothing, but the feeling didn't go away, I turned back around, and i could feel the hair on my neck stand up,then the top part of my back started to feel warm,I closed my eyes again, smiled, and said "hi mom, and thanks".

It's strange occurences like these that keep me going.

I cant wait!

2011-02-18T12:05:00.000-08:00

Oh it feels like spring around here lately! 60 degrees today, that's nearly shorts weather people!!! I am in such a ridiculously bubbly mood lol.Got me thinking of all the things I cannot wait to do! Things like:

1.Go home and play with my little man, he is just SO full of energy and kisses!

2. Make pancakes and spend a lazy Sunday morning with my two favorite guys

3. Go for a fun outing to the mall on Sunday with my two favorite guys, then to Target to buy Hudson......

4. A sit and spin!
Do you remember these? I had one and was crazy about it!
We HAVE to get one,due to reasons you see below: yes he is missing a sock, a sock HE took off, yes he has no pants on,( sorry it's sideways I don't know how to fix that!)

5. Also thinking about redoing my stairway wall, like THIS courtesy of (I am momma hear me roar)

My stairway wall looks similar to the way this one is set up,so it should be fun to take down the wedding photos and put up pics of my beautiful family

6. And thinking about making these

Wich you can find the tutorial for here.

Sigh SO much to enjoy, so little time!

Let it be......

2011-02-10T06:13:00.000-08:00

My mother used to have this necklace that as far back as I can remember, she used to wear, it’s a small gold cross, my grandfather gave her on her first communion, along side a small emerald and diamond pendant, hanging from a very delicate gold chain. She was wearing the cross in her engagement picture and many other pictures until her passing. She always had it on, she showered with it on , slept with it on, it was a part of her. Even if she was wearing other jewelry she usually had this necklace on underneath, hanging right above her heart.
When she passed and I was cleaning out her stuff, I packed up the delicate necklace because I couldn’t bear to even see it. I do wear one of her rings, it only fits on my pinky lol, and I occasionally look into her jewelry box that sits atop my dresser, and handle her rings and earrings, in an effort to feel close to her. But never bothered putting on the necklace.
Recently, my life has been in a bit of turmoil, I have done something’s that I was not proud of, and hurt people I never really wanted to. I let some people down, I miss my mom, I am frustrated with my career, a whole slew of things. As this has been going on, I keep feeling her necklace “call to me” a feeling and pull to put it on, the more I ignored it, the louder the call got.
My faith used to be and still is a big part of me, just a bit more subdued now that it used to be,I talk to God and Mom all the time, and based on the angel we saw the night mom died, I KNOW there is a higher power and seeing that angel just re-enforced it for me. I don’t want to say I have been “finding my way to god” but rather finding my way back in general to the faith that used to bring me peace. I do not go to church or participate in the sacrament, I believe in just “open faith”. In the point that I do not have to belong to a religion or church to have a relationship with God,he is all around and I can talk to him any time that I please.
Last night on the way home from work I was asking him to help me fully realize my blessings and help get me on the right path. I felt a sense of calm wash over me, and the call once again from that necklace tucked inside a satin bag in my linen closet.
I love my family, I love most of what my life has afforded me, and going through all of this has brought me closer to my faith,I know with that and help of my loved ones, I can move past this rough patch in my life.
Last night while Hudson was in the tub, I pulled out the necklace, cleaned it off, polished it up, and put it on……

It’s going to be a good year from now on……

When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

And when the brokenhearted people
Living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be

For though they may be parted
There is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Yeah, there will be an answer let it be
( From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/b/beatles-lyrics/let-it-be-lyrics.html )

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, yeah, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

And when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be

I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be

Yeah, let it be, let it be
Let it be, yeah, let it be
There will be an answer, let it be

Let it be, let it be
Let it be, yeah, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom
Let it be

Lovely Friday

2011-02-04T05:51:00.000-08:00

Good morning! It's Friday ( in case you didnt know) Here are some things that I am loving this week!

This Photo makes me so happy, I mean HELLO Purple and Leopard? Love it!

This Idea of turning a changing table into extra shelf space is right on!

And I just HAPPEN to have that same table! Already painted white!

Are these not the custest wedding invites ever? They are even in my wedding colors pink and green!

This is just an ad I saw on a website but OMG I WANT that dress!

See anything? Look again, there is a man who has painted himself into shelf!

An uphill battle for a great cause.

2011-02-02T08:24:00.000-08:00

So my big thing lately has been getting back in shape.After several false starts, I really think I am in a place where I can actually DO this. Besides I got a good reason to get in shape this time (ok there is always like half a million GOOD reasons) but the main one is that I will be walking in the Making Strides for Breast Cancer walk on May 21st. I honor of my mother who had survived breast cancer. It was a promise that I made my mother long ago, and what a perfect time to do it! Have a look at my team page here! It’s a really great cause, so if your available ( and obviously live here in Cleveland) please join my team Think Pink! Ineed people to walk with me, or if you want to donate you can also do it there! "My Team Page"

To get back in fighting form I have once again begun my Tony Horton Ten Minute Trainer, I LOVE Tony Horton, I don’t know, you ever just have a trainer you can CONNECT with? I think that is the reason most exercise programs fail, you have to connect with the trainer and the program, I gotta give credit to my friend Kristal for getting me hooked on Tony!

Tony Horton

Man, Machine, Inspiration!

I have also stopped mindless eating (that is really hard btw) and I try to keep healthy snacks around, drink water, all that jazz. In the end I know that it will pay off, I just have to know when to push myself and when not to, with my fibromayalgia, my body is only capable at so much at one time. But my goal is to get to a place where I can play baseball with Hudson when he is older and impress my husband with some athletic adventures 

Hope you have a safe and healthy day!

Up and Down Round and Round

2011-02-01T07:15:00.000-08:00

Life has been a whirlwind of crazy at best, Life without my mother is still hard, the pain still burns me, It might take something small to send me into a fit of tears, a smell of her perfume, a tv show she used to like, it as in the case of last night, the last picture of her and I together. It sucks breaking down without warning, but it’s essential and necessary.
I often ask myself questions about her death.

Did she give up and purposely contract pneumonia because she just wanted it to all be over?
When she died and she went to heaven, did she look down and go
“well shit that sucks, didn’t really want THAT to happen”

Does she wish I really would have just come to see her the day she died and she told me that she was fine and not to bother seeing her?

These are questions as wacky as they may be play on my mind in endless patterns..

I know I will never get those answers from her, and I am surrounded by her beloved things and of course the note that she left me.

But sometimes in the quietest times, when I am all alone, it’s hard believe that she is gone.That I can’t just pick up the phone at 10 am and call her like I have every single day for years, and hear her voice on the other end going “hi punky!” or her asking “hows my sweetie pie?” (Hudson)

On the up side, my Logo design business seems to be gaining momentum, I have got requests coming in steady , so much so that I need to get my butt going on biz cards, I already have my logo sketches done and am working on getting those printed. Then I will probably open up a small shop on esty. Doing these things brings me great joy,and keeps me sane at my day job. It gives me hope that one day I will do what I love and never really WORK again.
Isn't that the dream of everyone?

Fashion Photography: A longtime love

2011-01-23T07:54:00.000-08:00

I have been in love with Fashion Photography since I was a teenager and got my first Marie Claire Magazine, in college I wanted to be a fashion photographer at one point

The fluidity and movement of the pictures have always stunned me, to make a picture "appear" to be alive, even though it is in still form, is something quite powerful.

These pictures from the recent issue of Marie Claire recently struck me , ( I also happen to like the outfits)

Beautiful feminine and perfect in simplicity, the black and white makes it classic

I LOVE this outfit and the one below.

Reasons why my husband rocks

2011-01-18T13:46:00.000-08:00

I think that sometimes my man feels taken for granted, so below i want to profess to the world Why My Husband Is So Awesome (previously titled "why my husband is better than yours")

1.He gets up early in the freezing winter to clear snow off my car.

2. He changes diapers AND does dishes, and if I don't feel good, he takes complete care of me

3. He fills up my gas tank if I'm empty AND even if I'm in the car, pumps it for me :)

4. He gets me flowers and plans surprises just "because".

5. He looks for art festivals to take me to even though i know it bores him silly and "is around all those damn liberals"

6.He accepts me for me, (farting, burping in public,not knowing that pearl harbor was fought in Hawaii not japan......)

7. He tells me I am beautiful at least two hundred times a day.

8. Goes grocery shopping for me when I can't, and actually get some obscure stuff that I want.

9. He knows how to make me crack up.

10. He is an awesome father to Hudson

11. He sat with me in the hospital with me and my dad all night until my mom passed away.

12. He is passionate about issues that matter to him and wants to do something about it, which is more than I can say for some people who complain, then never DO anything about it.

13. When I'm sick he brings me Chinese (won ton soup)

14. He loves to spend time with me and Hudson, and has recently become better at family time.

15. He LIKES to go to the mall and shop and walk around

16. He's got a hot car and wants me to get one someday too,

17. He rides a Harley!!! RRRROWRR and looks divine doing it!

18. He makes real good Mac and Cheese

19. He is the Macgyver of fixing things, got some tooth floss and a nail file? he can probably make you a temporary muffler, converter or other random things.

annnd 20.

He puts up with me, and trust me I am by NO means easy to deal with sometimes. I love him so much and am so honored to be his wife. :)

oh and one more thing........well.....hee hee I cant tell YOU EVERYTHING can I?

Were goin Bowlin!

2011-01-07T09:54:00.000-08:00

Well it has finaly happened, my child is interested in bowling, my husband has been bowling since he was little and is quite good at it,a few weeks ago he asked me to bring Hudson down to the bowling alley to see if he had and interest, and he does, BOY does he! he loves to roll the ball down the lane, then gets all upset that he can't run after it and go get it (Or lift it for that matter)

We bought him a bowling machine for christmas and he loves to play with it, just sits his cute little but down on the lane, with ball in hand, rocks back and forth three times, then throws the ball :) And the best part is, if he misses the pins on the bowling machine, he just goes right up to them and knocks them down lol.

Below are two pictures i took last weekend at the lanes. Pardon the black smudge, my camera took a crap that weekend.

heading down the lane with daddy

Learning the art of waiting for the ball.

New Year New Start

2011-01-05T09:43:00.001-08:00

Hello all, New years eve was well welcomed, the hubby and I spent it at Julia and Randys house, playing air hockey, eating good food and watching Hudson run around flirting with all the ladies :)

I was definitely ready to let the old year go,More than one bad thing had happened this past year and I wasn't sure I could handle anything else, although you do find how strong you actually are, when you have no choice BUT to be strong. I think I have certainly amazed myself.

I don' t do resolutions, but a few plans for this new year may be.

Take overall better care of myself:

No not the whole "Im going to lose ten pounds," promise, no I mean actually working on my fitness level, building muscle and taking my vitamin d and fish oil everyday. Trying to reduce my sodium and sugar levels to take better care of my heart, stuff like that. I am obviously not getting any younger, and my mother illness and death, really opened my eyes, and scared me. SO I have to get healthier, even if only so I'm around as long as possible. :)

Either Put up or shut up in regards with my job:

Either I find another job I really like, or i stay where I am at, and work on what makes me happy on the side,the economy is improving,and there isn't any real harm in checking out the want ads, but i have no real expectations, because what I really want to do, I couldn't make a living on right away, so it makes me wonder if I would even be SATISFIED with a new job.

Have more fun with the hubby and baby:

Just take life as it comes and try to enjoy more, enjoy everything. And relish the time with my little family.

Hope you had a great start to the new year!

Me and my 90 year old grandmother on New Years Day!

The Hubby and I

The Girls- Me, Julia,Sarah, Ingrid

Drowning in soup

2010-12-29T08:09:00.000-08:00

So last night I had a weird dream, I was in China with my mother, and we were in a school,there was a massive earthquake and I was trying to get my mother, who wasn't able to walk very well in the dream, to stable ground. As we walked outside onto a bridge with a pool below it. My mom lost her balance and fell over the railing two stories down into the pool, the pool was full of Wonton soup ( yeah I have no idea where that came from, except for the fact that Wonton soup was my moms absolute favorite lol)I Immediately dove head first into the pool of soup, but when she hit the water, she turned into Hudson.I could see him under the water (er soup) with his arms in the air,I got under water and pulled him to safety.

I told my dad about the dream last night, he believes that it means that mom is watching out for Hudson, because of the fact that she sort of "took the fall" into the pool FOR Hudson, and the last thing my dad went out and got my mother before she passed was....wonton soup....:)

A Blessed Christmas

2010-12-28T08:35:00.000-08:00

Christmas at my house went surprisingly well, we had a huge dinner on Christmas Eve, i cooked my rear end off! I made Babalky "bread rolls with sour kraut and onions, ham,chantilly potatoes,and french onion soup. My grandmother made her famous sticky buns,my dad made lemon cheesecake and my aunt brought the veggie tray, washed down with lots of baileys and wine :)

I was so nervous about cooking, but I swear I could feel my mother guiding me on how to cook, and it all came out pretty good,(if I do say so myself) I didn't even get tremendously stressed out at all. Hudson was dressed in his little suit, and just made everyone so happy, walking around laughing, playing Hide and seek with his great grandmother,hugging my aunt and uncle, playing with my father, and he just LOVED my younger niece Kiera,(who is five and cute as a button) he kept trying chase her down so that he could hug her all night lol. After everyone left, I did finally go into the kitchen, rested my hands on the sink and broke down in tears,I knew it was going to happen, and honestly it needed to come out.

Saturday we spent the evening with my husbands parents and brother, had a great dinner, opened gifts, then curled up with the hubby on the couch and watched football with the family.

Hudson has just been SO amazing latley, I mean don't get me wrong, he is a great child to begin with, but he has been so super cute and smiley lately, and loves, his new toys,(so does mommy :) ) I think I annoy him at times because I sit down and play with him and of course "interrupt" the way that he had things lol, to which he will often times grab the toy and go "no no no no" and then sit with an exasperated sigh, while he tries to put it back to the way he had it. lol

I tell you what I may not be rich financially , but I am rich in family and friends,and that, this year, was my greatest gift.

I definitely also ate WAY more junk than I should have, I don't diet on Holidays, or really diet at all, I try to eat right, but i have eaten WAY more chocolate, cookies, salty ham and cream sauces than my waistline and heart can handle lol. UGH. So here i sit with a bowl full of steamed veggies.......exxxciting...... hope you had a great holiday :)

Hudson and The Hubby at my in laws house, with his NEW chair!

" This is MYYYY Present"

Totally loving on his pillow pet

Me and the Hubs

Dad me and my sisters >

My brother in law, niece Mattie, Kiera and Hudson fascinated with Kieras skirt

Hudson with his great aunt Kathy and Uncle Dave

Dressed in his holiday best

My set dinner table, mom would have been proud :)

Angel recieves her wings

2010-12-21T06:31:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the lack of posts, my mother passed away at 4:20 am on December 8th from complications of Pneumonia. With the holidays, and the wake and funeral,and the all the stuff that goes with the loss of a loved one, I just haven't had time to blog.

I take great comfort in the fact that I got to speak with her twice on the day that she died via phone, she sounded bad , but I didn't think it would come to this.

ALOT of amazing things happened that night and the next day

Mom had alot of health problems,but was a true fighter! All she did in her time of need was give to others. I will miss her very very terribly.

She had beat pancreatic cancer, but when she went in for her first chemo treatment a week before she died, they did a scan and found a tumor in her liver, they said Tye were sure the chemo would take care of it though.Because her immune system was already down and chemo of course made it worse, she was venerable and caught Pneumonia, she would have beat that too but she also has Pulmonary Fibrosis, so her lungs were already in bad shape.

The day that she died I talked to her in the morning while getting ready for work, she said she hadn't slept well at the hospital, she was laughing at the sound of Hudson babbling "no no no" as I changed his diaper.

Something told me to call on my lunch break,she sounded worse, but said she felt better because they gave her a different type of oxygen. i asked if i should come up to see her, she said not too, that I could call as much as I wanted but she was fine....I knew better though, you can just tell sometimes you know?

I went about my day, my dad called at 6pm to tell me that mom still couldn't breathe well and she she actually requested to be put on a breathing tube,in order to do this they had to sedate her, they also moved her to the PICU. Then dad called again at 9pm, he said the nurse told him things weren't looking good, moms breathing was getting worse even WITH the breathing tube, and her blood pressure was 70/50. They were giving her something to raise it.

I got the baby to sleep and took a hot bath to calm myself, about 10:15 or so, Hudson woke up screaming the most shrillest scream I had ever heard, my husband ran to comfort him, I on the other hand was lying in the tub with a real strange feeling.

At 10:45 my father called and said the Bill and I needed to come get him and go to the hospital.We waited for my in laws to come over and watch the baby, then we headed out.

Once at the hospital,we all just had a feeling that this was it.The nurse had told us that they were giving my mom 100 percent oxygen, but she wasn't taking in alot of it.They also had given her the highest amount of blood pressure meds, and she just kept dropping lower, it was clear her body was done and she wanted to leave. In her 63 years she had
fibromayalgia
2 major car accidents
nerve damage
pulmonary fibrosis
Breast cancer
Pancreatic cancer
start of liver cancer
Psoriasis
diabetes

so....you could understand why she may have been tired.

They asked my dad what he wanted to do, he stated that she wouldn't have wanted to be on life support and we both agreed she wanted to go. The nurse hooked her up to a morphine drip, and took off the blood pressure meds.She slowed down her breathing and slowly her heart rate kept dropping.

Here is where something crazy happened. As we were sitting there we kept seeing something in the window, all three of us, but we never mentioned it to each other, the only way all three of us could explain it was, a sheer white flowy fabric moving very slowly and what appeared to be a wing tip. Now granted I was pretty upset, if I was the only one who saw it, then I would have thought I was a bit crazy. But all three of us saw it, here is how I found that out, I saw the thing in the window and temporarily disregarded it, I walked around to the other side of the bed to kiss my moms head "she had her head turned towards the wall" I sort of wished I hadn't went to that side of the bed because she was pale, eyes slightly open, lips dry. It pained me greatly, I walked over to the window to compose my self and to see what the hell I thought I saw in the window, figuring it HAD to be a flag.I looked out the window and there was a wall, no flag, no drifting snow, it hadn't snowed at all that day, no birds, no nothing.As I'm standing there my husband asks" is there a flag out there?" that's when I knew he saw something too, my dad goes, yeah is there a flag I saw something. I said "what did you guys see?" they both explained it to me the same hting at the same time, a white flowly piece of fabric and a wing.I think all three of us turned white, and what was even more crazy was that my husband is a HUGE skeptic and HE also saw it, and ADMITTED it!

I left dad with mom for a bit and pulled Bill out into the waiting room, he grabbed me and hugged me and said " You know I don't believe in that stuff but I know what I saw, and I know it was an angel and you dad saw it too" we went back into the room. And told my dad what we thought, and all three of us agreed that night that was what we saw, soon after seeing that, mom heart stopped. She was gone.....and believed we had witnessed her leaving us, we cried but we had an incredible sense of peace come over us, that she wasn't suffering and seeing that angel proved that to us.

We waited on the Chaplin to come in,and give her her final blessing,my husband mentioned the angel to her and she smiled and said "ahh that's common, it was your mothers angel coming to take her, cherish that, it is a wonderful thing what you saw"

The next day we planned moms funeral with the family, and then dad and I went back to his house because I wanted to look through mom jewelry box for her pearls to wear to the funeral,he told me I had inherited all of my mothers jewelry( which is an extensive collection) and any of her stuff was mine. I said I would just take the pearl for now and the rest of the stuff the next week.

As I was looking in the one box, my dad pointed to a smaller cherry wood box that held her expensive stuff "here there is more stuff in here" he said and began pulling open the drawers. in the very bottom drawer of the box, were two small letters, one for me and one for dad, my dad grabbed them and goes" omg Heather look she left us notes! She must have known!" we read them , then swapped them and read each others, dad said something told him to look in there. Mine said "Punky" (that was her nickname for me)"punky, I am so sorry that you have to read this now, please be strong and help your father through this, I just had to tell you how proud I am of you,you have turned into a wonderful young lady, wife and mother. You have given dad and I anything that we could ever want in a daughter.Please tell Hudson that his grandma loved him and how much joy he brought to my life.Be healthy and happy. Love Mom"

My dad and I cried for about an hour after that, but we felt HUGE relief, this was just yet another sign that pointed to the fact that she must have known.

The funeral was beautiful, all my family came in,tons of people, even a Senator my parents knew came in from D.C. for the night just to make it to say goodbye to my mom, it was a grand send off. At the funeral we told people of what we saw that night in the hospital room, my momther best freind said she saw the samething when her sister passed away, my friend John saw it when his daughter passed away. Knowing that confirmed to us that we really did see an angel. My dads sister Teresa also said something that gave me chills, she is dying of uterine cancer,the week before mom died, she went to temple (she is jewish) she is part of a club for terminally ill cancer patients, they did an exercise where they pulled a name out of a bowl and the name of that person was the person who was going to greet them in heaven, she pulled the name Judy, my moms name! She didnt put it togethor until she found out that mom had passed.

The burial the next day , followed by drinks and food at my aunts house was the hardest to handle for me,I was more concerned for my poor father, I am horribly worried for him.They were married for 36 years.

A few days later I took on the tough task of going through moms stuff, keeping what I wanted and donating what I didn't,I spent six hours, crying , going through stuff, remembering,it was healing for me.

Last Saturday Bill and I took Hudson over to my fathers for dinner, thought it would cheer him up, and it did, him and my mother had bought Hudson a rocking horse recently and my dad wanted him to have it before Christmas.I will have to post pics next time.

In celebration of moms life, I volunteered to have our big christmas eve dinner this year,Im cooking all the food mom used to make, and having everybody over, its what we all need, to be surrounded by family, especially my 90 year old grandmother.I don't plan on it being a sad occasion but a joyous one.Filled with lots of good food, watching Hudson open gifts, and quality time, the way mom would have wanted....Oh and of COURSE big glasses of Baileys Irish Cream LOL

Out of the ashes rises a Phoinex, in the dirt a dove.

2010-12-07T12:20:00.000-08:00

I haven’t said too much about my mother recently, because for the most part there was nothing new (good) to report, but unfortunately she has taken a bit of a turn for the worse, she was rushed to the hospital yesterday because she couldn’t breathe and couldn’t walk. She has Pneumonia and it just doesn’t look good. (there I go again with my optimist attitude).
We are going to deal with it, the best that we can, every day, expect the worst, hope for the best and leave the rest in Gods hands.
In the midst of all this sorrow, I feel like a new part of me is being born, a stronger willed, more responsible me, a person more able to adapt on her own, and forge her own path in life. A couple of things that I have evolved in as a person:

Acceptance/Confidence
My mother has always been my best friend, my cheerleader and my muse. When I was younger she was the one who would get head over heels excited about the things that I did, so in life I always used her excitement to judge how I did on something, I always wanted to impress her and make her proud (I found out recently from her that I have exceeded in doing that) But my mom won’t be around forever, I wont always have her around to make me feel good when I accomplish something. I have to be my own cheerleader now and honestly that took some getting used to, but I can now say that when my mom is too sick to be excited about something that I’ve done, I can take no offense to it, and I can still feel good about it.
Compassion
I was never really a compassionate child, but the older that I got and the less selfish I became, the more giving I became and I believe that is a big part of me today. It seems I become more compassionate every year, I want to give everyone everything, I want to be everyone’s savior. I want to fix everyone’s problems. But that obviously can have it’s downfalls as well. Because of that, I often times forgo my own sanity and health in order to help others. That I will agree is something I need to really work on, taking better care of myself and letting myself be a little selfish and say no from time to time. But back to the point, in general my mothers Illness has made me even MORE giving, loving and understanding of people’s problems and issues. I have always loved the quote “you never know what battles people are fighting privately, so try not to judge them based on what you see” and this is SO true. If Half of the people I work with KNEW the whole story with what I am dealing with mentally and emotionally lately, they would probably see why I’m so quiet half the time. Regardless, the spirit of the season has picked me up and danced me around, I feel it in my heart and my soul, something is different this year.

Carpe Diem
My mothers’ illness has most importantly made me a better mother, wife and general liver of life. Life is SO short and can be taken away from us so quickly and at any time. Realizing this has given me the ability to say “screw you” to small daily annoyances, dishes that don’t get done, a chore I ran out of time to get done, because I was enjoying quality time with my kid, work politics family drama ect. I am more apt now than was before to say “forgetaboutit” I move on, …..done. Onto the next obstacle. I sign up for as much fun stuff at work and elsewhere as I can socially handle, I make sure to really express how much I love my family and friends. I hold back no secrets or feelings, life is too damn short to do that!

Finding Peace and Solace
Each night after dinner, Hudson and I have a play date, then take a bath where we play some more,read a book have our night time snack, then I hold him in my arms while I watch T.V. with my nose in his hair taking in all his delicious babyness, kissing his juicy little cheeks and enjoying every minute of our snuggle before I put him to sleep. Then coming down stairs to my husbands arms, and falling into them. I find solace in these things at the end of a rough day, I know I still have my husband, my baby and my big stinky dog waiting at home for me to erase the day away. In the morning I do yoga or try to sneak out of bed early enough to get in some cardio. Those are things that I can do for myself,and those things are important to keeping my sanity in this difficult time.

It’s both amazing and sad how things such as this shape our lives and make us change most of the time for the better. Incidentally In writing this post, I got word that my mother was transferred to the ICU because they found a blood clot in her lung, this is actually a good thing, they believe it may have led to her pneumonia and swollen feet, wich would have led to her falling a lot in the past month, they think it may all be connected. We are just lucky that they found it.
If I can try and find the beauty in all of this muck, the good things, then I may be just fine…..Eventually.

Grandmas kolacky (kolachi)

2010-12-05T05:18:00.000-08:00

I spent Saturday afternoon doing some favorite baking of mine, making my grandmothers Kolachi. I have always had fond memories her kolachis as a kids, it was the one thing that I really looked forward to at family get together, especially at Christmas time.

A few years ago i spent an afternoon with grandma learing how to make what I feel is a family tradition, the funny thing is, as much as I adhere to the recipe, it just doesn't tase like hers, and probably never will. Thankfully we still have her here to make them for us. :)

If you would like to make some yourself, here is the recipe.

You will need:

Time, at least three hours or so, making these tasty little things is labor intensive, but SO well worth it!

4 Cups of gold medal all purpose flour

8oz of sour cream (room temperature)

1lb of Imperial margarine or is your a purist, butter (also room temperature) (grandma used Imperial, but I think butter would be good too)

Either jam or preserves in varying flavors that you like, I chose cherry and apricot. grandma used to make poppy seed, but with my luck, I would eat them all and then have a drug test the next day at work.:

Mix together butter and sour cream well.

Add flour two cups at a time until well mixed

Knead dough and separate into two balls then wrap in saran wrap and stick in the fridge until firm ( i would give it about an hour)

Take out dough and roll out onto flat floured surface.

Feed toddler some triscuits to keep him busy :)

Make sure to cut off all jagged edges of the dough so that you have a nice clean edge on all four sides.

Cut into diamond shapes.

Fill each diamond shape with a very little bit of filling, (BTW baby spoons work PERFECT for this!)

Fold in the corners and WALA! You have just made a kolachi!

Put them on a greased cookie sheet and bake at 350 for about 15 minutes, but you will have to check the routinely because depending on the size they may need to bake longer.

MMMMMMMM Kolachi

Dust with powdered sugar and serve! You can freeze these for up to a month, and if you warm them in the microwave before you eat them, they are DIVINE!

Enjoy!

Craft Lovin

2010-12-03T11:59:00.000-08:00

All I have wanted to do that past few weeks is craft my arse off, probably due to the fact that it is freezing outside and I need something to keep me from going nuts while stuck in doors.

I am currently working on a Knitted cowl which I have been at for three months (I'm a first timer give me a break)

Jewelry that I want to start on cross stitching, ohhh my goodness! Craft ADD for sure!

Before i finish with any of that though I need to work on Christmas stuff, and since my mother is still very ill this year; I am in charge of christmas. Fine by me, I love to bake and cook and all of that jazz.

This weekend, I will be making my grandmothers Kolachi recipe (I hope) I could stand next to her and do everything that she does and her Kolachi will STILL turn out better than mine! lol No flipping joke.

I am planning on doing a photo blog about it later this week. So you can try it yourself if you dare :) I am so paranoid about making it correctly than I refuse to be on my period or be sick or in a bad mood when I make it, everything has to be right lol,it's stupid I know, but it works for me.

So many fellow bloggers have really been doing some super cute things for the holiday season, here are some random crafts of awesomeness that I have found appealing.

Kristy at Kootoyoo

Shows how to make these super cute crochet soaps, Seriously, I NEED to make these, too cute!

Iammommahearmeroar posted this Nativity Block Set for Kids, that her sister whipped up.

And while I'm not really the GREENEST person on earth, I actually did this last year and they came out awesome, it's a bow made out of recycled packaging,you can also make them out of magazine pages, they are super easy to make and look real cute. Find out how to make them here

A season for giving...

2010-11-30T07:17:00.000-08:00

The Desire to give
I feel different this Christmas, usually I am running around trying to find the perfect gift for everyone, the absolute most awesome gift, I always feel this need to make everyone happy, it’s a curse i‘m sure of it.
But this year, I am feeling more compassionate that anything, maybe its my mothers illness, maybe its because Hudson is getting older by the minute and I want to teach him compassion, and giving, and that Christmas isn’t just about what he GETS, But what he gets from GIVING.
This year as far as gifts are concerned I really paired down, I am more content on getting people stuff they really NEED, and maybe some little surprises too, but nothing too big, just stocking stuffers.
I am giving to the toys for tots campaign at work, making an extra donation to the Animal protective league and saying yes to when a cashier at the store asks if I want to donate to St. Jude Children's fund or some other childhood cancer fund.
This sort of thing makes me FEEL good, better than getting a gift I probably don’t need. Don’t get me wrong I DO have a wish list lol.
I thought this idea below from I am mamma Hear Me Roar, was cute to do when Hudson gets a bit older.It's and advent banner, each little bucket contains a good deed to do and a peice of candy that they get after they do the daily good deed. Just to teach him kindness and helping out.

I am also concentrating on buying Handmade gifts whenever possible this year,that’s my idea to giving to others also, because I would want people to buy MY stuff if I had it listed on etsy.

The other thing on my mind lately is how amazing it is that having a child will make you question your beliefs . I was raised catholic, I no longer consider myself as such, but I was always taught that Christ was born on Christmas and about the nativity and all that, the older Hudson gets the more I am trying to figure out just how I will explain Christmas to him, I do not consider myself religious but spiritual rather, I believe in a higher being and good to mankind and karma, but I don’t know how much biblical info I still believe. I wanted to have a nativity set, because my parents always had one and I grew up with one, my mother, knowing that I am not a real holy roller,bought us a dog nativity set two years ago, complete with a baby Jesus golden retriever and three wise men, that whole thing.
I am questioning exactly how I will explain it to Hudson, Bill and I do not want to force any beliefs on him but rather give him some information that has been passed down to us and let him foster his own beliefs from that. Still it’s scary and somewhat amazing to discover that maybe what you were taught all your life you don’t exactly believe.
I guess my only goal for Hudson is to teach him to be a good kind man, give back and have compassion for the less fortunate. If I can accomplish that, then I think I’ve done my job.

Well hello there!

2010-10-31T04:17:00.000-07:00

Hello here I am!

Sorry for the lack of posts but in short...well, I have a toddler, that should be enough said,ha! This kid is into EVERYTHING!! ALL THE TIME!!! I think Heather over at DOOCE said it best about having a toddler"but once you take that moment to sigh she's in the pantry sticking her head in the dog's water bowl. And then while you're cleaning up the water that has spilled into a giant three-foot-wide puddle, she's run into the living room, climbed on top of the sofa and is waiting for you to see her before she tries to back flip onto the coffee table. Oh, and she has your cell phone clutched between her teeth."

Uh huh, that pretty much covers it!

It is also Halloween here and it has become one of my favorite times of the year! Didn't used to be, as a child i wasn't that crazy about Halloween,probably because I was so shy i actually hated going up to a strangers door and asking for candy. But now that I am older, I LOVE it! Maybe its my affinity for slime green black and skulls, who knows, but I dig it, and having a toddler makes it THAT much more fun :)

One mistake we did make this year (my fault) was carving the pumpkins WAY to early in October, so now for tonight, Halloween,we have no pumpkins to light because after three weeks of sitting on the front porch in unstable weather (70 degrees, then 30 then 60 then 70 then 40!) our pumpkins basically turned to mush last week....Oh well.

But look we did decorate!:

We also took Hudson trick or treating a few weekends ago in our town of Berea,witch is real good about having a day time trick or treat for the little ones.

Since I wasn't sure how he would react to the whole thing,I bought a zip up sweatshirt and sewed ears and a tail onto it, plus some red felt for a collar and attached some of Starskys dog tags,he was a puppy! And then I smeared some black eyeliner on his little nose.....and i am an IDIOT because I used waterproof liner.....so yeah ever try to get THAT off of a toddler who hates having his face washed in the first place, its like wrestling an alligator.

Hudsons first time meeting a "FAMOUS PERSON" He just LOVES elmo!

We have also had tons of other things

going one, seems as though every weekend it's something ! Lots of parties and get togethors, but I love it an

d it gives Hudson a chance to socialize,which he is very good at doing :)

Chasing down a girl who gave him a kiss at his GIRLFRIENDS birthday party!

We are really going to have to lock this kid up lol

As far as my mother has been concerned, things are really good, the doctor said she only needs 30 minutes of Che

mo once a week for 6 month

s, it wont be enough to make her nauseous or lose her hair! We are so very blessed by all of this, and to have he

r still here with us. Having her pull thro

ugh this has really revamped my faith in the big man upstairs, for sure.

Well off to make breakfast for the hubs!

Hope you Halloween is

SPOOKTACULAR!!!!

Evil cupcakes that i made for work!

Pumpkin carver!

2010-10-14T19:17:00.001-07:00

A few nights ago, me the lil man and Bill carved our pumpkins, this was Hudsons first pumpkin!

Holding the pumpkin for daddy while he cuts it, a VERY important step!

Playing with the small size pumpkin

typical boy, loves the gooey stuff

Look at those chubby legs, don't you just want to bite them!

So how did the pumpkins turn out?.....Well you don't see them here....and lets say there is a good reason for that LOL. Oh well it was fun to say the least!

Little felt candy bag I whipped up for the lil man tonight,project was found on

"I am momma , hear me roar" (find the button on my page) Excellent site BTW, she has three small boys and makes a ton of super easy to do crafts. This felt trick-or-treat bag was easy,I just wish I had fabric paint to paint the "boo" with :( saldy a sharpie pen had to do!

A day at the apple farm

2010-10-09T19:51:00.000-07:00

We had a spectacular afternoon at Mapleside farms today with Hudson. It was ALOT busier than we had planned,but we had such a good time, We went for a hayride through the orchards,ran around in the tot sized corn maze, picked apples and of course picked a few pumpkins. This will definitely be a yearly tradition, we had a blast!

Daddy and Hudson playing in the pumpkin field

One of the 5,000 apple trees at the orchard!

Look at the look on his face! TROUBLE!!!

Once he figured out that he couldn't pick up the pumpkin, he started rolling them down the hill lol

Afterwards, we drove out into Medina and back around, ending up in Grafton township, lots of beautiful country, corn fields, and horses, the fall leaves were just gorgeous.

Bill treated us to my favorite Mexican Restaurant MAYA, we didn't think that Hudson was ready for Mexican food, so we got him chicken fingers and french fries which he of course devoured!

Hudson must have been hungry because as soon as the waiter set down the basket of corn chips, he dove into them, eating one for the very first time, I didn't think that he was going be able to eat it because it was so sharp and crunchy, but he went at them like they were nothing! THEN he started to get into the salsa which WAS spicy , and he kept eating it! lol Too much fun.

Chewing on a corn chip

Sadly, after such a great day, Hudson was running around the house and fell and busted his bottom lip wide open :( there was blood all down his shirt and he was so upset, poor little man:( but he is a tough kid and bounced back after a warm bath and some hugs from momma and daddy. All in all a beautiful day, the weather was warm, 75 degrees!! Which is a change up from the 58 degree, cloudy rainy weather that has been plaquing us almost daily.

Tomorrow we go visit mom and grandma in the nursing home, put up halloween decorations and make chili, PHEW!!! I love my family!

A fun weekend ahead

2010-10-08T14:25:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a bit better today, (luckily) I managed to get in some much needed baby time last night and much needed me time! (sleep and a bubble bath anyone?)

This weekend should prove to be fun, tomorrow we are taking Hudson to Mapleside Farms for hayrides apple and pumpkin picking, it's damn near tradition to take your kid to a pumpkin patch and have his picture taken among the big pumpkins. Kind of reminds me of the Peanuts The Great Pumpkin special and Linus in the Pumpkin Patch.

Then it's home to go decorate for Halloween!!!! WEEEEEE!!!! yeah just a little bit too excited about that LOL.

Sunday we go visit my mother AND Grandmother, of which i am not sure that I mentioned are BOTH in the SAME nursing home!!!!

So yes pictures will indeed be had......

BTW:

I am lusting over these

And this

Annnnnnnd this......SIGH

Have a great one!

Down in it

2010-10-07T06:54:00.000-07:00

It's been a stressful few weeks, the accumulation of everything that is going on, (moms health,phones have been ringing off the hook at work on a constant daily basis,trying to get my freelance business moving, staying up late on work nights just to get stuff done for clients, balancing work, life, marriage then more work AND things I want to do) have once again cast me into a dark hole. Most times I can't get my brain to shut down long enough to rest. Not to mention the on coming change in seasons have rendered me frustrated and depressed.
Last night after staying up way too late doing invoices and project descriptions, I found my self standing in front of my medicine cabinet,staring at the collection of pills I have. Like my mother I am a medical pack rat of sorts, I live with a "don't pitch that medication because you may need it someday" I had had anger in my bones all day, I was in a horrible mood, literally felt like raw anger and unsettled energy was pulsating in my body, it was uncomfortable and unnerving.I wanted it to go away, just something to take the edge off, I had my choice of percoset, clonopin, l-triptophan supplements, Valium ect. I relented closed the cabinet and decided on a hot shower, I though I would sit down and start crying,I WANTED to cry, but no tears came. The only thing that I can compare it to is a burp that you really need to get out, but wont come out,so the pressure builds and builds in your chest wall, until your pretty sure your having chest pains. Cept this pain was in my veins, and a feeling of extreme sorrow in my heart. I say in there for 30 minutes until the water ran cold and it was light years past my bed time. I returned to the cabinet and ended up settling on a benadryl, just because I knew it would relax me enough to shut my mind off and go to sleep. I got into bed, the husband rolled over, no snuggles no hugs nothing, i laid on my pillow and cried until the benadryl did it's thing and drifted me off to sleep.

I cant say I woke up feeling any better. The joy of my morning was watching Hudson eat breakfast,looking at those cute little chubby cheeks move back and forth as he stuff peaches and cereal bar in his funny little face. he is my daily hero.

Nothing worth working for was ever acquired easily, and I do feel like I am working for the betterment of me....someday.....it's just going to take time, a little patience and alot pain.

Moms surgery

2010-09-23T07:07:00.000-07:00

A short and sweet update, my mother had her surgery yesterday, they removed a tumor about the size of a golf ball from her pancreas, and actually had to remove the whole upper half of her pancreas, they are certain that it was cancerous, but they feel they got it all, we will not know what stage it is in until the lab results come back. Once they do, they will determine if she will undergo Chemo, radiation, or both.
They are giving her three months to recover, then they will start the treatment.Last night she was in the ICU but this morning she borrowed a nurses cell phone and called my dad, letting him know that she is doing so well, they are moving her to a regular room later today.

She is still not out of the woods, we now have to watch for blood clots, infection and her sutures giving way, her tissues are very soft due to being on steroids for so long so the sutures holding is a small concern. Her lung function isn't super good, but ok, her heart liver and kidneys are running strong. And her vitals are excellent.
She also has a feeding tub that runs from inside of her nose through her stomach and into her lower bowel. Just until her stomach gets back to working order.

I go see her tomorrow after work.

The surgery was 6 hours long and we were at the hospital for over 10 hours, but my father and I got to talk and bond and walk around the hospital, it was nice to spend good time together. Afterwards, he took me out to dinner for Pulled pork sandwiches and beer. Then I came home and passed out! SO tired.

I will update you more as I know it.!

8 Things I love about fall!!!

2010-09-21T12:56:00.001-07:00

I have never really been a fan of cooler weather, but I have learned to love the coziness that fall brings. Below are a few of my favorite things:

Argyle socks! I already own four pair, and the collection seems to be growing, these are from Sock Theory, I wear them with skirts under pants, or even just with my PJ shorts hanging around the house.

Making soups, squash and apple soup, chicken soup, Julias awesome French Onion soup, potato and ham soup! Make em up in large batches and freeze them in containers so I ALWAYS have something warm to eat. And OHOH! this weekend I am going to make a pumpkin coconut soup with ginger!! I cant WAIT!

Pumpkin spice lattes from Starbucks or pretty much anywhere that does them right. I also like to make my self what I call a "sleeper nightcap" in the cooler months, Soy or almond milk, a touch of honey, lots of cinnamon, ginger and nutmeg. Warmed up on the stove, sometimes I add a dollop of whipped cream or a shot of baileys if I am feeling REALLY naughty lol. I knock out like a dream.

Cake batter, rum spice, Pumpkin scented candles, allover the house!

Knitting, or in my case trying to at least knit two consistent rows!

Fall decorating, mm I love making the house look all cozy, with candles and decorations. I love the above garland idea on the mantel with candles, I don't have a mantle, but I do have an area near the stair case that I could decorate.

The smells of dead leaves and fresh apples growing.

Last but not least taking Hudson here, to go pick out pumpkins, go on a hay ride and see the horses!!

We are going to take him week after next! Picture time!

Fall this and that

2010-09-20T12:12:00.001-07:00

I have got one hell of a week ahead of me, I am finishing up a design for a client (which they LOVE by the way). Mom is going in for her big surgery on Wed. ( yes I am freaking out....like bad) But on a lighter note, Fall is here so THAT means new shoes! And tights and sweater dresses woohoo!! Below are a few pairs of shoes I wouldn't mind coveting,

Oh yes yes yes!!

I just think these are so super kewl,

I almost bought these, but it was between diapers for the kid and these shoes, hmmm, kid wins......I guess Not only do I want sweater dresses this season but I am really feeling the whole, skirt and knee hi thing

Isn't Elsi from A Beautiful Mess so cute in this outfit! I love the brown boots with over the knee socks!

And of course Gala of Gala Darling, UGH takes the frickin cake in this black and cobalt number (personal fave)

I NEED a pleated black skirt, I need a few skirts! Hell I need to go shopping!!!!!

Mom and Hudson

2010-09-18T09:35:00.000-07:00

mom goes in for her big pancreatic sugery on wed, aside from being petrified, I am also really hopeful, that everything will be ok.

Here are photos of her and Hudson snuggling at the nursing home last weekend, I hope for so may more moments like this.

What I wore

2010-09-02T17:12:00.001-07:00

Dress:Old Navy,Belt: my own vintage,Shoes: Mossimo for Target

Baby:I made that,you just can't BUY that kind of cute!

Busy bee

2010-08-26T10:33:00.000-07:00

Hi Kids! Just a brief update, things have been getting better in my life recently and I have been so flipping busy!

MOM My mother has been in a nursing home for about a week now, getting her strength up for surgery, she seems to do better and better each day, and I only pray that it stays that way. Sunday, Hudson and I went to visit her, she had a ball playing with him, and he had a GREAT time, running around the halls and walking into people’s rooms’ lol. Luckily the residents didn’t mind at all, and were glad to see a happy little face. We brought her homemade chicken soup and blueberry muffins. It really seemed to get her spirits up. We plan on going back again this Sunday, and let’s just say I will need to make sure I have my running shoes on lol!

Hudson tearing up the Nursing home, with his great grandmother. Sorry if its side ways I cant figure out how to fix it!

JEWELRY I have accomplished SO much with my jewelry making, I got 2 a pairs of rose earrings made, one is a gift the other ones are for me ,A silver necklace with cobalt blue pearls, a necklace special order for a friend. AND started on a necklace for myself. Yes I will post photos soon.

DESIGN
GOODY GOODY GOODY! My Brand new MAC PRO is on its way! I cannot wait, and will be tracking that sucker every second until it lands on my doorstep! It has a dual processor, tons of memory AND I got Adobe InDesign to go with it, SWOON!!!! I know I know I’m such a freaking nerd :P On another note, I got a freelance client the other day, (thank you Lisa!) who wants me to develop a brand identity for her husbands’ new security company. I am REALLY excited for this opportunity, because it will allow me to develop some nice portfolio pieces and get my feet wet again. I’m nervous, but I have a new found confidence that has come from somewhere, I don’t know, maybe it’s just age!

STINKY LIL MAN Hudson has been great; however he recently started regressing in his sleep habits. For four months he did SO well, I could put him down in his crib awake but drowsy and he would just play with no problem or babble to his stuffies until he fell asleep. Now it’s like suddenly there is some strange force field over the crib that makes him scream like killer clowns are in his room, when I so much as put him OVER the crib. So much so in fact, that I have resorted to rocking him to sleep, and then slipping him in his crib, which I really would have NO issue with, if he didn’t wake up at 12:30 am and start screaming again, then I rock him back to sleep again, try to slip him back into his crib, tip toe out of the room and just as soon as I think I am successful, WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAHHAAHAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! In a tone that China could hear during a snowstorm.UGH. So Hello sleepless nights, I hoped we wouldn’t meet again, but since we are both here….. He also has become accustomed to throwing his food off of his tray, and when I say throw I mean
OVERHANDED BASEBALL PITCHING THROW. Then looks at me matter of factly like “oh yes woman, I just threw my food, what are you going to do about it?” But on a good non complaining note, he is running around, picking things up for me, doing cute stuff like bringing books to me to read to him, getting along with the puppy (or should I say the puppy is getting along with HIM, an din return Hudson is not pulling his tail, poking him in the eye or any other undesirable orifice for that matter), and giving kisses, every so often. He is my little love butt for sure. So that’s all for now! I have a post I am working on for posting hopefully tomorrow. See you then! XOXOXOO

Killing the Clutterbug

2010-08-20T06:35:00.001-07:00

I am a mess....not just me personally (see other blog posts) but my house! My car! My Work desk! My purse (all 16 of them) It's a long standing problem that I have tried over and over to remedy, but never to any avail, at least not for long. Now that i am a mother, it seems things are even more cluttered AND i have less time to unclutter them, as a matter of fact, the clutter seems to build faster now. My living room is littered with baby toys and various little trucks. The dining are is littered with my husbands work boots and my shoes and little man shoes. Kitchen has several "drop site" where junk mail and bills are often left to pile up for daaaayyzz. Bedrooms are scattered with underwear, clothes, orphan socks and lonely single shoes. And dont even get me started on the two bathrooms can you say hair stuff???

As I was in the shower last night I was looking around and realize I have too much STUFF!! Most of it I use,but some stuff is either a double, because I bought another thing I didn't need to replace the on I already had but couldn't find! OR something I swore I would use daily and that I NEEDED (Velcro rollers anyone?)

I happen to do the same thing with vitamins, I have every vitamin you could imagine crammed in my tiny Kitchen cabinets, and I cant throw out ANY of them because then HOW WOULD I BECOME A SUPER HEALTHY NON VITAMIN DEFICIENT HUMAN BEING??....Well turns out you have to TAKE them damn things for them to do any good...huh..go figure.

Same with my craft room, its has tons of stuff I don't use often, but I think the trick there is to just get it all into a nice organized area where I don't have to deal with it every day, because I do use all my craft stuff, just more seasonally (scrapbooking and sewing and knitting and cross stitch in the winter) (Clay, jewelry and drawing in the summer) ( I WISH this was my craft room.)

I have to get it all under control, because in those rare instances when I do get a whole day to my self and do go to town organizing, and the house IS organized for like 3 days, I find stuff easier and am able to get more done, because get this I KNOW WHERE EVERYTHING IS! But the organization never lasts long, because old habits die really hard, AND I have a REALLY small house with like no closet space. Which means we have to put our brooms and mops down in the basement.

I am really just tired of my house looking like a hurricane went through it, I know that I am not going to fix ALL clutter, because obviously Hudson is going to have toys, and that's only going to get worse, the best that I can do there is keep up on what he no longer plays with and put it in the attic.

Alot of my problem, is that I am too tired, by the end of the day after I have taken care of baby and cooked and worked 8 hours, I really don't feel like putting things away, so I am going to have to just make it easier to put stuff away.
Last week i managed to lose my glasses, my work pass AND my phone charger. Hudson had the charger, but I have torn up hell looking for my work pass and glasses, and they are no where to be found. Starsky is probably at home with everything right now using my glasses as a chew toy. And the work pass? Hell if I know!

But we really need to go through the babies the husbands clothes and mine and donate donate donate.

In light of all of this, here are some websites that I am currently diving into for any of you that may be interested. I hope that this weekend I can get SOME stuff decluttered.

http://365-days-of-organization.blogspot.com
http://getorganizedtips.blogspot.com

http://unclutterer.com/

and if anyone has any tips they would like to share PLEASE DO!!

Reprieve

2010-08-17T05:56:00.000-07:00

Mom has been doing better this week,we still have along road ahead, but at least she is currently stable, here are some photos I have been meaning to get up from the yearly Kar Kulture Show and Hudsons first birthday. Enjoy!

Hudson and my dad playing at my parents house, bad pic, but they were so cute~!
MMMMM CAKE

All Hudsons little friends~!

Hudson and his girrrlfriend playing before the party

Me and the Hubbys car

Lil man driving daddys car ( losing his britches)

Whatch out world!

My love

Me and the lil man!

Super cute coin purse I bought from a vendor at the show, lots of cute stuff! Go to www.retroroost.com!

They even have bacon flavored Jelly beans (ick) They were nice enough to give Hudson a sticker AND a cupcake shaped banaid, they rock!

Shiver and shake......

2010-08-10T18:31:00.000-07:00

I'm afraid I don't have any good news on my mother, she had to go back into the hospital today, she is still yellow, and her liver and kidneys are being severely taxed. She is weak and barley eating. They also want to run all of her tests over again, because they can't get any definitive answers. She is much better off in the hospital, because she cannot take care of her self. And my father has to work. After they confirm everything, they will either move her to A nursing home, or hospice, until the next step, they want to get her strong enough for surgery, but they aren't sure they will be able to do that,if they cant, they want to go in anyway, and try to remove the tumor, which could result in us losing her,but it will be a risk we may have to take, it's too soon to tell,she is on so much pain medicine, that she is barley coherent,I am just at an utter loss, we are bracing for the worst and hoping for the best. I appreciate all of your kind words, and thanks to those friend who's shoulders I have physically cried on. Your support means the world to me. In the mean time my heart is shattering,and I am trying to find refuge in my beautiful baby boy and my wonderful husband. I will keep you updated. Love Heather

..There is a light that never goes out....

2010-08-01T17:16:00.000-07:00

The above is one of my most favorite Smiths songs, and I have been listening to alot of Smiths lately, and as much as I love them, that usually is a sign heavy shit is going on in my life.

The past month has been brutal both emotionally and physically, both mu mother and my grandmother, began to go down hill.
First Grandma has a mild stroke, the second one in her 90 some years. but is was bad enough to put her in rehab for a few days, and move her into my aunt Kathy's house permanently, which suffice to say, isn't going very well, because let's face it, how would you react if you were told you suddenly couldn't drive or live alone by yourself? I'm sure it's hard on her in more ways than one, as the days pass, she sleeps and sleeps more and more, and is forgetting more and more, we are all prepared to the inevitable, the question would just be how long and when? it's a reality I knew I would eventually have to face, we are lucky to have her as long as we did. Still that doesn't make it any easier.

Then a few weeks ago, as I was preparing for Hudson's first birthday, my mom called me the night before to tell me that she woke up "yellow" that morning, and went to the doctor, who assumed she may have hepatitis, she wouldn't be coming to Hudson's party, because she was afraid of being contagious.
Well we could have only hoped that's what it was. on Saturday (the day of Hudsons Party) my mom was taken to the hospital by my father because he wasn't comfortable leaving her alone while he attended Hudson's party. So he took her, and a few hours later, showed up at Hudson's party with my grandmother and aunt.I missed my mom not being there but I knew it was for the best. Well....right when Hudson was getting into his cake for his birthday, my dad tapped me on the shoulder saying he needed to talk to me NOW. my mom was being rushed to Case Western University Medical Center for surgery because she had a blockage in her pancreas ( which was the reason she was turning yellow) Immediately I knew what that probably meant, ad i struggled to keep myself stable, and act like nothing was wrong, as my dad rushed from the party. I ended up talking to Friends later in the evening and throwing back too much tequila. Then passed out.

The next day I went up to the Hospital with dad to see mom, she looked terrible, weak and yellow, even the whites of her eyes. She really wasn't doing well, they were going to wait for test results to come back on her CT scan, and the next day they were going to do a biopsy of this mass on her pancreas.

Fast forward a week a painful waiting. Dad called me at work, they were pretty sure that mom had cancer of the pancreas, she has a mass about 1inch big sitting right on the top, it was squishing her bile duct causing her to be jaundiced. They were more than 90 percent sure it was cancer. I immediately broke down, set my phone on not ready and ran to the break room, to hyperventilate. All I remember typing into my phone was a mass text to family saying "it's malignant, oh god, I cant breathe". I was so upset they told me to go home from work, I went up to see mom immediately. I tried to hold back tears, and make things as light hearted as possible. I remember it was the day that Lindsay Lohan went to Jail, because I tried to joke with her that some good news DID happen today "Lindsay Lohan went to jail"

After I left her room, I went into the visitors room, and looked out the long floor to ceiling windows with white shutters on them, the view was breathtaking, sunset over Downtown Cleveland, I stood there staring, I tried to absorb the shock of the fact that I could very likely lose my best friend, the greatest grandmother to my wonderful child. This was too sudden too soon. It was almost too painful to even think about. I left in tears, came home and laid down on the bed with my husband and cried so hard I thought my head would burst.

She was in the hospital for two weeks, running test after test after test, the bypassed her bile duct to an external tube to drain her bile. Thankfully all other tests came back negative for cancer. So at least it hasn't spread.
They are confident they can remove the tumor, but there is one small problem, my mom is so sick and weak they are not sure she will be able to make it through surgery, they want her to be home for a few weeks, rest up and build strenght and then they will discuss their game plan, Chemo, radiation, surgery? its all up in the air yet.

Mom got home Friday, I took Hudson over to see her today, my uncle is also in from Washington.Hudson cried when he saw her and i felt so terrible about it, but it's been at least a month and she is still a little yellow and has a breathing tube in her nose. I'm sure for a small child it was a bit frightening, all she wanted was to see him today, and she was happy he was there, but I'm almost sure that she cried when I left, because he didn't seem to remember her.

While I was at my parents today, My aunt stopped over and we all had a meeting about Grandma, who has gotten way worse the course of a month.leaving the stove on, falling asleep alot, turning the tv up full blast because she can't hear, becoming defiant and basically regressive, as we all do in our old age. Her memory has become horrible, finance's have disappeared or been burned through, it's just a mess, and where as my mother and my aunt where handling it together, now it is all falling on my aunt, and it's just really hard on her.

The fact is I could very well lose both my mom and my grandma in a close proximity of time, and I am not ready for that, I am afraid it would be a pain too entirely hard to bear. Were as we cannot do too much about grandma, we can help mom,by fighting with her, and we are trying to remain positive, but when we are all alone, we all break down. I am so mad, I want to blame someone for this, it would be so much easier this way, but there is no one to blame, illness is what it is, and it doesn't care about your plans, so you take it as it comes, with a sword by your side, and stand up to it.

On top of all of this, my job wrote me up for missing so much work due to this whole situation, am I mad? of course, shame on them, way to be such assholes in this rough time, pisses me off more than I can even say. but you know what, do what you want, fuck it, I got alot of of their shit to deal with.

I may be writing more because i think it will help me to work through this. I am up against something that is ten times bigger than I am, and honestly....I am scared to death.

The Smiths, -There is a light that never goes out.

A momentary leave of absence

2010-07-22T08:18:00.000-07:00

I will not be updating much, my family facing a potentially serious,health issue with my mother, more serious than we could have imagined. PLease keep us in your thoughts during this rough time, I willpick up where I left off at some point... until then I have too much going on.

Love Heather

Speedbumps in life

2010-07-16T14:09:00.000-07:00

I had a few other things that I wanted to write about, unfortunately life is sometimes more than fashion and happiness.

I got a call last night that my mom has contracted Hepatitis, they are not sure if it is a b or c, but we will know by Monday. This worries me greatly, my mothers immune system is compromised enough as it is, I am just hoping this doesn't push it all over the edge.

They aren't sure how she contracted it, they are quite stumped by it (they being doctors) but she is yellow from head to toe, nauseous, tired, weak, and if she starts throwing up, she needs to go to the emergency room.

Grandma and My Mother, at Clementines Tea House on Mothers Day 2009.

Mom and i as i was leaving my baby shower,(hence my largeness lol)

A little background on my mom. In the past four years she has had ( in order)

-a major car accident

-Nerve damage

-Breast Cancer

-Severe breathing problems

-Shingles

-A slipped disk

-and now Hepatitis

Do you see why I am worried?

The doctor said while not airborne contagious, he would rather she stay away from the baby, meaning she cannot come to Hudsons one year bash this weekend. This makes me very very sad, my dad will however be there, and I love my dad, but my mom not being there really sucks.

When she told me, I was in the garage wrapping Hudsons gifts, When I got off the phone with her, I lost it, and just sat on the floor and cried.

I was up until 1am drinking wine and talking to my husband about it,then dragged my ass into work this morning.My poor mother has been through an immense amount of suffering and it's not fair, not much in life is, but this time, the god REALLY pissed me off.

Not to mention she has been trying to help out my grand mother who had a stroke three weeks ago. Now she is so tired she can't even do that. I feel like two of the closest people in my life are slipping away little by little.

Luckily I have the greatest support network of friends in the world, my Friend Michele who also has a parent who is very ill, has offered to put my mother on her prayer necklace, which I appreciate whole heartily. I love my friends and I do not know where I would be without them.

I read a quote today here it is:

I will pull myself together for Hudsons party tomorrow, and I plan to have a good time. But int he back of my mind,worry will prevail.

Saturday, a walk in the park

2010-07-12T11:24:00.000-07:00

See the deer?

Hudson and I got up really early saturday and went for a walk on the new path they built in my city, and bot is it beautiful!! It's called the Lake to Lake Trails, and covers 2.4 miles of lush green marsh land and wildlife habitat.

I enjoyed the fresh air, Hudson enjoyed all the sites and sounds, we came upon one of many bridges on the trail, a beautiful long bridge that has an observation deck and overlooks the Marsh, it's dead quiet except for the sounds of Bullfrogs barking and birds chirping.
I lifted Hudson on top of the railing and let him look over, he spotted the turtle in the water and pointed at it, so I told him about the turtles and “do you hear the froggies?” I think it’s SO important to expose kids to nature and other things in this world besides Television, IPods and computers. I hope it instills in him a love of being outside, he already cries when we have to go in the house 
I even let him walk for like 20 minutes along the bridge, by him self. He thinks he is such a big man 
We also saw a baby deer about 20 feet in front of us, Hudson was in awe and just stared and smiled, I tried to take a pic with my phone. Can you see the deer?
After that we went home and took a serious nap.
Saturday evening was spent preparing our house for Hudson’s Bday next Saturday! We expect around 50 people!!! YIKES! Lil man is going to be SUPER sleepy. I swear I weeded for like an hour on my hands and knees, only to look up and see little to no change in the amount of weeds. UGH….I hate weeding.
Sunday Hudson and I went for another walk with the lovely Julia, it was nice to have girl time and chit chat. I really don’t see her enough 
After going to café Ahroma for some tasty lunch, the lil man and I went home so he could nap, and I could get some cleaning done. I really spent the ENTIRE weekend with the little man and was so happy to have all that free time with him. He is just my little joy 

BABY giggles

2010-07-08T08:47:00.001-07:00

My son is such a wonderful little guy, he really has been making us laugh a lot lately,
Here are a few things that he has been doing, that really perk me up.

HE ADRESSES HIS FOOD:
When I say ADDRESES I mean like a president would talk to his country, he puts both hands up in the air and has a concerned look on his face, looks down at his food or sometimes holds a cheerio up in the air and waves it back and forth going “raaa bra bra blah bababa bha ra!” Then puts the cheerio down and mutters something to himself under his breath LOL.

HE YELLS AT HIS FOOD
This morning he pointed directly at his waffle with his index finger and furrowed his brows in an angry expression and goes “”bar a ra ra raba BAH BAH!!” I about peed my pants! Bill said he wouldn’t finish his waffles after I left for work, so what ever the waffles “Said” to him, it must have REALLY been offensive lol.

HE GETS A CRAZY LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN HE PLAYS BALL
We have a big red fuzzy soccer ball that we roll back and forth to him, he sits on one end of the living room, and I sit on the other and roll it to him, when I DO roll it at him, he kicks his leg s and gets this CRAZY look in his eyes while going “AAGGGHHHHHH!!!!!” then promptly grabs it and forcefully pushes it back to me lol, I can really see him becoming a soccer (futbol) player, the determination in his little face is SO funny.

HE LOVES WIND CHIMES
The kid is CRAZY over wind chimes, and we have four of them, (well three since he disassembled the one) if we are inside (were we have been since it’s been scorching hot lately) he will point to the front door, he knows there are fun things out on the front porch like two flags and three chimes, and he wants to fondle ALL of them. So at least once a day, I take him outside and hold him up to the chimes so that he can smack them around, he looks up, puts his head back and holds his mouth open in a “ahhhhhh” position while smiling and smacking away at them, It gives me a good view of his teethers, (which by the way are SIX NOW!!!) He can literally play with them for HOURS.

He just brings me so much joy, which is much needed when I have had a bad day at work (which lately has been constant) and have been stressed running around getting this and that and the other taken care of. He is truly my little blessing 
Is there something funny that a baby or little kid YOU know does to make you laugh?

Hotter than Hati

2010-07-07T12:54:00.000-07:00

The northeast has been experiencing a severe heat wave for like four days now, it seems to get hotter every day, today it reached 97 degrees, UGH and of course I let the hubby borrow my air conditioned car so that the lil man could ride in comfort to grandma and grandpas (ahh what we do for our children :) )

Anyways... I took these summery photos at my house today at lunch.

A whirlwind weekend

2010-07-05T06:49:00.001-07:00

This weekend was July 4th weekend, it was also the weekend we got Hudsons 1 year old photos done (even though he wont be one until the 17th)We really had alot of great family time together. I wont bore you with details but here are the pics!

Our first professional family portraits, Hudson was SO good!

Little man outside sitting outside under the shade tree.

He saw this little girl at this party that we went to and was in LOVE.

He ran over to her and hugged her, then she asked if he could sit on the swing with her lol

SO cute!!!

We also took a trip to the lake,walked on the pier and played in the sand.

His eyes are the same color as the lake!

Hudson and dada at the lake

Hope your 4th was awesome!

Bag Lady

2010-07-01T08:01:00.000-07:00

They say what’s in a woman’s purse tells a lot about who she is, here is what is in mine!
*5 Fruit Gum, I ALWAYS have to have gum on me to keep me from eating junk food at my weak points.

*My work pass( cant get through the gate without it!)
* a sharpie pen, a gals ALWAYS gotta have one, to “mark” her territory. Or to mark goodies in the office fridge with death threats if any one TRY to steal it.
*Rattail comb (for all those big hairdos) Pony tail holders (for when I need to get my hair out of my face) and a compact a dear friend brought to me from Kuwait.
*Vitamin D Pills (I am really really low on D) South Beach diet bar in Cinnamon Crunch, (for when I am stranded running errands with the little one) Propel fitness water ( I hate plain water, so to keep myself hydrated I have to “trick” my tastebuds into thinking it’s something tasty)
* Faux turquoise snakeskin pocket book (mainly holds charge cards or discount cards I rarely use,stamps,biz cards ect.
*I am a FREAK about lipstuff lol can you TELL? Here my two fave sephora lip glosses in Bronzed Beauty and Rosy Glow, Revlon super lustrous Lipstick in fuschia fusion.Cover Girl Lipslicks in Flirtatious,Maybeliine Color sensational in Mauvelous, I also have a tube of Aquaphor wich is a heavy petrolatum good for everything from chapped lips, to diaper rash, I ALWAYS have a tube with me! And also Aveda Blue Oil, a relaxing mint oil designed to be used on your pressure point, (I need this at work a lot)and AVON Bubble Gum Lipgloss
*1mb stick storage drive (ESSENTIAL for carrying around my resume and pics of the lil one )
*Coupon Folio (because when your broke like me you use coupons and OFTEN!)
* my Ipod ( CANNOT leave home without it, I have over 250 songs I like to rock out too!)
*Red Patent Wallet ( to hold Cards that I DO use frequently)
*(not pictured because I took pics with it) My ANDROID My TOUCH 3G, screw the Iphone, I LOVE this thing, it organizes my life and it is ALWAYS with me.

On this Date three years ago.....

2010-06-30T17:57:00.000-07:00

I married my wonderful husband Bill, the day was beautiful, a huge lavish wedding just like I had always wanted, outside in the park near our house.the weather was a perfect 75 degrees with minimal humidity and as sunny as could be. It has been a somewhat bumpy three years, and they always say that the first 4 years are the hardest, boy are they right, but we are tough and we have come through everything even stronger. I love him for what he is and what he isn't,he is my everything.

On saturday, Hudson and I took a walk down to the place we got married, it was 8:30 am and it was almost as perfect outside as that day three years ago.

Hudsons eating his morning Cheerios on our walk

The gazebo where we got married

The inside view of the gazebo

My man shedding a tear

The big moment

Married at last!

The little man was VERY tired out after our tour!

DROOOOOOOLL

2010-06-28T06:39:00.000-07:00

SO the Hubs and I went to Best Buy on Saturday and looked for computers, he was searching for an new PC I was searchign for the Mac I plan to buy in Sept.

I have always wanted a MAC and I promised myself that the next computer that I get would BE a MAC, If I am going to do it, Dammit I'm going to do it right!

I will need the computer to hold alot of data and also run Indesign, Dreamweaver and other various programs, sometimes simultaniously. And I love MACs user friendlyness.

So I am getting the MAC Book PRO:

2.4GHz or 2.53GHz Intel Core i5 processor with 3MB shared L3 cache; or 2.66GHz Intel Core i7 processor with 4MB shared L3 cache
4GB (two 2GB SO-DIMMs) of 1066MHz DDR3 memory; two SO-DIMM slots support up to 8

Mmmmm and a mean ass Graphics Card. I Cannot WAIT!

Photos never before seen

2010-06-25T18:17:00.000-07:00

while digging around tonight, I found two photos from a professional pin up shoot I had done for my hubby years ago. Most photos are for his eyes only :) But here are two mild faves that I like, it was really before I was fully in my pin up stage. it's more "Rocker pinup" but pin up none the less :)

Great thursday off!

2010-06-25T14:45:00.000-07:00

I took the day off yesterday, I needed a break big time, and I figured I would get a Thursday request off over a Friday request.

I packed up the kiddo and headed to my mom and dads house. It was a beautiful day out, we went to the beach and I let Hudson play in the sand and let the water wash over his little chubby toes for the first time, I thought this might freak him out, but he surprised me, and didn’t flinch or cry at all.

Hudson playing in the sand

After the beach we decided to head to the Ice Cream shop where we had orange sherbet twists, while Hudson had a frozen chocolate banana. I also saw someone I graduated high school with, He just happened to sit at the same table as us, with his little girl, and Hudson was trying to steal his fries! I sternly told Hudson, that those are not his fries to steal, and thankfully the guy said it was no problem if he wanted some, lol that kid is crazy for French fries! After sitting and talking for a bit, we realized we graduated from the same high school! It was neat to see some from I knew from so long ago. For those of you who read my blog that went to Admiral King, it was Kevin Patterson. He was real nice and his little girl was just a cutie! Hudson liked her too, flirted with her most of the time!

We finished the day off at my parent’s house, my mom played with Hudson while dad and I went out back and checked out his garden, my dads’ garden and landscaping is AMAZING!!! I only hope my yard looks like that some day!
Speaking of my garden, here are a few photos of mine!

Chives,sweet basil and cilantro

I took this photo a week ago, everything is WAY bigger now, I will have to post a newer pic.

My grandmother did in fact have a TIA (sorry I said it was a tsi in the last post) at any rate it’s a minor stroke, but it’s her second one, the doctor doesn’t want her to be alone for awhile, so she has to stay in a nursing home for two weeks, she isn’t so broken up about though really, she said she feels safer there. I may take Hudson on Sunday to go visit and cheer her up a bit!
Well that’s pretty much all for now, nothing really crazy exciting going on here, except the hubby and I are going out on Sat night for dinner and a movie, to celebrate our three year anniversary! I am definitely looking forward to a bit of mommy daddy time 
Have a great one!

Oh ok FINE you win lol

2010-06-23T08:57:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the response to my prior post, I was just testing the waters to see if it was still something I wanted to do, because I like to share stuff with people, so if no one where reading, then it wouldn’t matter so much. But aside from seeing that many of you do read it, (I got even more responses via email). Then I will continue, also it is a nice way to keep a running tab on things that I have done,and is somewhat therapeutic at times lol.

When it rains….
I have still been crazy busy lately, I don’t know even where to start. Our home computer went down on Sunday night, we contracted the Conficker Virus, as I kindly refer to it as Conf**ker Virus. Because of the most constant “F**K!!!!!” That came out of my mouth as the virus quickly multiplied on my hard drive and infected EVERYTHING, I had to reformat the hard drive, which means I lost everything, photos that I had (though I had copied a lot of important ones to an external storage stick a day before this happened phew) Bill lost ALL of his Car Club stuff, and my ITunes was wiped clean, almost 200 dollars worth of music. UGH!! Luckily, I do still have my entire library in my iPod, I just have to figure out how to transfer it back to my computer. Anyways, in that mound of lost crap, was Hudson’s First birthday invite that I worked so hard on  that I think was what devastated me the most, but I DID find a print out I had done of it in the office, and thank god for that, I cant make any changes on it, but everything should be ok anyways, which is good, because the virus killed my cd drives, which means I cannot reinstall Photoshop  and re-do the invite. It is essentially Bills computer, so I am leaving it up to him to replace the drives or get a new PC. I my self am getting a Mac Book pro in sept, when I start school. So that should fix that whole problem.

My 89 year old Grandmother

My grandma, god bless her, is a true fighter, she has had colon cancer, breast cancer, knee surgery, and shoulder surgery, and came out on top, she is generally healthier than the whole family. But on Monday night she called my mom at 11pm. Said she was making out her bills and her left hand went numb and she couldn’t move it or pickup a piece of paper, she called 911 and thought she was having a stroke. They ran tests all night and couldn’t find anything, they are doing a MRI today, wich they have to knock her out for because she freaks out when she gets one. The think she may have had a TIA or a mini-stroke. I really hope she turns out ok.
BIG BABY NEWS!
Soooo. Hudson is mobile! TIME TO SCREW EVERYTHING DOWN TO THE FLOOR! I came home Friday from work and he ran right up to me, I about passed out! Then on his third try his promptly fell right on his face, smacking his forehead onto the hardwood floor, he’s got a nice bruise but it’s going away and he’s fine no brain damage LOL.He did however shy away from walking for the next few days after that lol. Stop to baby proof! Like NOW!! And time for mommy to do more core strength exercises! Because this bending over to help him walk is killing me! He is also eating everything, Avacados,blueberries,oatmeal, smaller chunks of meat, cooked carrots and peas. And he LOOOOOVEs a big bowl of noodles! He is also fond of rasin bread toast, the past few days he refuses to eat anything but, I gave him a real treat this morning and put some cream cheese on it, he REALLY liked that. Lol my little stinky man is growing up! (Sad face)

Great Fathers Day

For fathers day, my dad came out to my house and we went for a 12 mile bike ride in the metro parks near my house, I used to go on bike rides all the time with my dad back home, it was OUR thing, I miss it. We rode for a bit, stopped and ate, rode some more, stopped and bs’d rode some more ect. It was a beautiful sunny day , aside form the 90 degree humid weather, which you really didn’t notice until you stopped riding, then it was like walking into a blast furnace. I just love my dad 

Well that’s really it! I am off of work tomorrow; a friend of mine is coming home from Cincinnati. She is an amazing hair stylist and will be doing my hair at my mom’s house while Hudson visits with grandma. I am still undecided about whether or not I should have her but bangs, I end up hating them every time I get them, so maybe I won’t bother. Who knows we shall see. See you later!

By the way, i forgot to share, this is the beautiful Jade pearl Necklace my sister Dee brought me back from China! I LOVE IT!!!!!

Raise your hand

2010-06-22T14:11:00.000-07:00

Just out of curiousity, how many people actually read my blog? It just seems pointless sometimes, when I cant even see if anyone is reading, it's hard to find time to update, so sometimes I just don't post for long periods of time. If you activly still read this blog, leave me a comment,if I dont get alot of responses I may put it away for a bit.But if I know I have an audience, then I may continue, trust me I know my life isnt all that interesting lol, but i just want to know that people still check it out now and then.

The Pin-up goes retro

2010-06-17T07:32:00.000-07:00

I like to change up my look every now and again. In the past there has been the goth look, then I went into the pin-up look and stayed with it for quite a long time. Then the Dark haired smarty pants look,now; as I reinvent my self once again,I am feeling the 60’s mod look. More Bridget Bardot, meets artist meets mad men bombshell ( because bombshell IS my middle name  )This style will be mostly hair and make up based, no real change to my already awesome wardrobe. Style pieces include

I just LOVE the structure of her bangs here, and am thinking about getting it done on my hair.

Pretty bow on Miss Bardot

I often do my ponytails up like this already, it's so easy on dirty hair days

I would eventually love to grow my hair out like this

Definitley more defined cat eye makeup

Bouffant Hairdos, LOVE EM!

Knee deep in Sh*t, but inspiration abounds

2010-06-16T11:26:00.000-07:00

This week is really breaking my spirit and my mood, but it is definitely ramping up my ambition.I have re signed with my art school job placement program, so hopefully I will have leads come through soon, I am searching on my own, and have applied for a few jobs here and there. Crossed Fingers! The only thing that has kept me mildy sane is my jewelry making, which I do in the park on my lunch, I should have enough pieces soon to open up my etsy page.yay!

I have such wonderful evenings with the baby and the husband, I hate to go to bed because I dread getting up the next morning and coming into work. I have just lost all and any ability to care, poor management and severe understaffing, has caused a very unworkable system,were over worked, underpaid severely (we haven't Had a raise in 2 years) AND now we are supposed to take on other departments work plus our own and not get paid anymore for it, because the company has so severely cut it's staff. Then my boss says in a meeting one day that our numbers effect HER BONUS??? Lady I could give a flying sh*t about your bonus, you make twice as much as I do, SHUT IT! it's shit like that that gets my blood boiling.

But ....none the less.....I am trying to ramp up my creative skills once again in an attempt to get myself to a happy place. So..in light of that;
here are a few things that have kept me inspired this week:

I Love Katy Perrys new video for California Gurls, and her pin up style is fun!

I really really hope it is....

This is rocking and lady like all in one, very vixen meets Mrs. Cleaver

Isn't this such a lovely tattoo? I just adore it!

and of course, my little bubba always makes me smile.!

A tiring wonderful sunday

2010-06-14T08:24:00.000-07:00

Sunday was great, we went to my grandmothers house, which would be Hudson’s Great Grandmother (otherwise known as “GG”) He had a great time! My grandma has this path behind her house that walks around a lake where there is a play ground, so I walked him over there and put him in the baby swing for the first time, at first it looked like he was going to throw up lol, but then he really liked it, not letting me take him out for at least 15 minutes, then we went down the slide together and walked the rest of the path, coming up on a flock of Canadian geese, which Hudson was mesmerized with! Mommy how ever…is scared to death of them lol and didn’t want to stick around that long.
On the way back to grandmas house we walked past a little two year old girl with her grandparents, Hudson flashed his big ol smile, and she came over to him and touched his hand, he touched her face, it was so cute!
We spent the whole day over there just visiting and relaxing, the pictures below, are of him on the way home lol, he was pooped out!
Unfortunately I am back at work today big sucky, but it is what it is. Have a good Monday!

On the way home from GG's, zoning out lol

By the time we got home

On the couch an hour later, passed out watching toy story, he puts his lovley over his own head and passes out.

Daddy and Hudson

2010-06-12T17:17:00.001-07:00

BILL and Hudson, at Crazy 8 children's store,being fashionable

not as I had hoped

2010-06-12T16:04:00.000-07:00

Hudson smiling as I peeked at him from out side the window
Last night we started to try to re train Hudson to sleep in his crib and all I can say is MAN can that kid freaking scream, but they are all crocodile tears, he's not really crying, just screaming his head off, eventually I gave up and just put him in bed with us, I know I know ,,good going right? Considering that's one of the things on vacation that screwed his whole sleep pattern up, was that AND his cold. Our night have unfortunatley went like this:Hudson in his crib: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Me to Bill: wonder how long he can go, I mean he HAS to stop SOMETIME right?

Bill: yeah he'll stop

(5 horrible minutes later)

Hudson :SCCRRREEAAAMMMMMMMMMMMM

Me: Well it doesnt sound like he's going to stop to me....

Bill: wow that kid really has a set of lungs on his huh?

Me ( runs and gets him puts him in bed with us)

Mrs. Munster suggested reading The Baby Whisperer. I may give that a go, from all that i have been reading, it only takes about three nights for a kid to think it's ok to sleep with mommy and daddy (wooopsie).

We got up this morning and went to the mall to have our wedding bands re coated,Hudson enjoyed all of the attention, he is a true ladies an 110 percent! He just smiled and smiled at all the ladies and baby girls in the mall. We had a good time, until i started to feel a bit Ill from the heat, it is 90 degrees here today with 80 percent humidity.UGH< And yes we were in air conditioning, but I still get sick in real hot weather, so we had lunch and then baby and I laid down together when we got home.

Later we got up and I put the baby in his splash pool out on the patio. we had fun while daddy did some lawn work.

I took a cute photo pf Hudson and Bill at the mall, but I will have to post it a bit later.

Hudson is fussy at my feet right now, so off i go again!

Please hope that he SLEEPS tonight....in HIS BED!!!!

A lenghty one!

2010-06-11T06:28:00.000-07:00

Hello! Lil ol me again, Once again I can apologize for not blogging so much lately, the sucky thing is, I really want to blog more, but a few things have prevented me from doing so. 1. I usually write my blogs in word at work then post them when I get home, but work has been so busy I have been unable to hardly write a sentence (for example it just took me four tries to write this sentence here. 2. The baby has been once again refusing to sleep in HIS crib, so I am usually stuck with him on the couch in the evenings, and my computer is up stairs. This however wont be such a problem in the near future, as I am buying my own laptop to use when I start school in oct. Then I could just sit next to him and type away. So here is a lil bit of what’s been going down in Heather town:
WORK:
In a word SUCKS, we are short handed and need to train three new people, and still take care of our customers and keep up our numbers, mis management has definitely contributed to tension so thick in my department that you could taste it. People on the other side of the wall were I sit get in routine arguments, and while amusing as hell to listen to, it does give create a sense of anger and resentment.,
The temps are nice and all except the one is just as annoying as all get out, I don’t think she means it, it’s just her personality, she is too perky, now, nothing against perky, I am as perky as the rest of them (well when I’m not here anyways) but she is just overly so, like it’s an act, and it makes me nuts.
EDUCATION:
So as you may know or not know, I am going back to school in October to take some refresher courses for my design degree, and I honestly cannot wait!! I have already been on the search for another job, I really want o get back to the creative field, Unfortunately there still isn’t a lot going on out there in the way of jobs, but I am working on it.I apply for a few jobs here and there. I need to get into a portfolio class again and build that back up ,as most of my stuff is from about 5 years ago. I have definitely got the design bug again and that’s the only place I want to be right now.
The WEE ONE
The little man is just getting soooo big, he now has two bottom teeth and the two top ones are starting to poke through, he wants to walk everywhere! Mainly he wants me to hold his hand (but not both!) so that he can toddle across the floor, it’s so very cute, but this weekend I will need to get down to his level and see all the stuff that he can get into, and baby proof. Also block off the staircase and the kitchen. I should lose those ten extra pounds in no time, the way he is running around!
When I leave for work he breaks my heart by holding his arms out to me and crying “MOMMMMA!” ohhh! Be still my heart 
Friends
My best friend from Highschool Michele, came up and stayed with us all last weekend,. She was up here visiting her father at the Cleveland Clinic. It was SO good to see her and hang out with her, I love her and miss her terribly, we went out Friday night and got pedicures, then sat night we went out for dinner and drinks and stumbled around half drunk at the local drug store and the movie store, and rented twilight.(Yes I have never seen it)….I LOVED it BTW.
On Sunday we went to my husband’s club breakfast in the park. Hung out, took pictures, it was a seriously perfect weekend.

NEW NEICE
ON Sunday I took Hudson over to mewet my new neice Xiao Wen, my sisters second adoption from China, she is just a doll! Tall ansd skinny, she moves very gracefiluy and loved to play with Hudson, helping him walk around and feeding him gold fish crackers :) Hudson was in Heaven! She used to take care of the babies in her orphanage all the time, so she was a pro! She is a little camera shy, but I managed to sneak a photo of her! hehehe I love my two neices,

CRAFTIN
I have also been trying to find time here and there to make my necklaces, I got one done already and am working on a second, Plus I have earrings I need to make. A lot of times I sit in the park on my lunch hour and bead in my car! Hey, whatever works you know? Well I am going to get back to work now, enjoy the pics below! Hope fully I will get a chance to blog this weekend, but if not, then probably Monday. Hugs and kisses!

Hudson and My neice Xiao Wen
Bill and I at the club breakfast, hmm I'm looking a little puffy in the face
Michele, Hudson and Me

Michele and I

The little man while eating a popsicle, his faaavorite!

Eating a popsicle with daddy on the couch, look at those crossed feet!!!

Stinky little man

In the mist of chaos

2010-06-01T16:48:00.000-07:00

Hi all,
Just wanted to let you know that I am still here, I just have a ton of stuff going on right now.We just got back from a family vacation in Tennesse; one that was very much needed. I am still on a high from it! There is SO much going on, I had a nasty cold for a few weeks, then Hudson got it, and now wont stop coughing at night( I suspect allergies) We got in a minor car accident on the way back form our vacation, so a 10 hour car ride turned into an 11 hour one, with the baby, who btw was teething and cranky, but FINALLY broke through his two bottom front teeth WOOHOOO!!!!

The day before i left i was informed my good friend Carmen tried to commit sucide for the second time, and was on a breathing machine in the ICU. Thankfully she pulled through, but I worry about her endlessly, worried that one day she will try, and suceed. I have lost a few friends to sucide and it kills me to watch a person go down hill like that.

My bestie Michelles dad isn't doing the greatest, he has been in the hospital for weeks with liver failure and kidney failure, he was like a second dad to me, so it's hard to hear about, but according to Michelle, he is starting to show signs of small recovery. But of course I feel for her. The good news is, she is coming up Friday! To stay with us until Sun, so that she can visit her dad! I CANNOT wait to see her and spend some true girl time, I miss her SOOOOO much.

I have been studying web design and plan to go back to school in october to freshen up my degree and look for another job in design.

I also finished my first necklace in a series that I am working on for my etsy site (when I open it) I am really happy with how it turned out and already got two orders!

I also managed to get a garden put in this past weekend.

PHEW lots and lots of stuff, sorry this post is a bit of a runon, but I am tired, and my head is spinning. Here are some photos for ya from our vacation in the Smoky Mountains, I will post soon. Promise.

Also, my sister and brother in law just brought home thier new adopted daughter from China this week! Her name is Xiao Wen and she is 12 I think, she is so cute! and gets along great with my neice Kiera. I cannot wait to scramble over to Dees and see her! I will DEFINITLEY post pics of that!

Dad and I at Laruel falls in the Smoky Mountains

Beautiful mountain trail

Me and the Hubby before goingout for the night

The mountain view from our patio

Me and the wee man :)
My beautiful sister Dee, My wonderful brother in law Rich and lovely cutie pie neice Kiera and now my NEW niece Xiao Wen, Welcome home!!!

Draggin like a droopy diaper

2010-04-28T13:53:00.000-07:00

See this?

This my friend, is the face of absolute exhaustion, the face of an overworked woman who goes home everynight and cooks,cleans and takes care of two kids (the baby and the husband)

But what keeps me going? (besides red bull and coffee?)

This does..........

Now if you'll excuse me, while I plummet face first into my key board...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Morning drives and digging in the dirt

2010-04-27T08:28:00.000-07:00

Beautiful scenery driving through the Metro parks on the way to work this morning.

Beautiful scenery,the grass was so green, the fresh air was forcing it's way through my car vents, enticing me to roll down the windows and inhale.....

Can't you almost smell that fresh "cucumber like" smell of grass and cool forest air?

The kind of air that acts like coffee,races through your sinuses and PERKS you right up!

I even managed a smile on the way to work, HA go figure!

I also started on my garden this weekend, placed the lil man in his stroller, gave him some cheerios to munch on and some strawberries, and got to steppin! I pulled weeds, tilled the soil, and cleaned up, All we have to do next weekend is turn the soil, fertilize it and after mothers day I can start planting!

I am still not sure what to plant, when we tried this two years ago, we planted Green peppers and black peppers (didn't work out), Cucumbers ( got eaten by bull weevils) Cilantro ( not sure what happened there) Basil ( took off like MAD) and cherry tomatoes ( also did well) Onions (did absolutely nothing) and Chives ( did grow but not for long)

Last year obviously I was busy growing a baby, ( at least I got that to grow!...and grow.......and GROW! And now I am pretty sure he has gotten into a box of miracle grow, because he wont STOP growing lol

I think we will do the cherry tomatoes again, maybe some peas, and root veggies like carrots. We don't have a ton of space so I really have to watch for space hogs like Strawberries and the like.

I cannot wait to get stuff planted!!

It s so rewarding and so refreshing to grow your own food!

Anyone else growing a garden this year?

Fendi (yeah right)

2010-04-16T06:41:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's the fact that I have expensive taste, and that it's spring and I feel the need to buy rediculous pretty things, maybe it's the fac tthat I am broke-as-a-joke at the moment and am buying most of my clothes at the Salvation Army (NOT that there is anyhting wrong with charity shops)

BUT I cannot get these stupid purses out of my head, since as long as I can remember I wanted a Fendi "B" bag, ANY COLOR! But at nearly 2,3000 a pop, let's just say it is NEVER going to happen, UNLESS I happen upon a "look alike" knock off in some Chinese wig shop one day ( i know of several)I can put that wish right up there with a pair of Laboutin shoes, ( although I DO know where to get those for a discount, if you call 299 a discount on a 699 pair of shoes)

Anyway, these are on my wishy list!

OMG are you SERIOUS???? I LOVE this purse!

I have wanted this one for YEARS, and I amnot even sure they still make this color.

Man, if I were rich, I think Iwould have every one ever made.

Easter Pics!

2010-04-06T07:08:00.000-07:00

Hope you all had a wonderful Easter! Here are pictures from our wonderful

Sunday with the family at our house. :)

Hudson visits the Easter Bunny at the Harley Davidson Dealership, he was SO good. And kept trying to grab the bunnys nose lol, Just look how relaxed he looks!

I was so proud of my perfectly set dinner table. I love when I can get out all my fine china.

Dolled up for spring in my brand new springy dress, with hair clip by Rascal Kosher

Hudson and my 90 year old grandmother!!! Can you belive she's 90??????

The family,Me and Hudson, Bill, my mother in law, brother in law, grandmother dad and mom, in front of our century barn. It was built in 1893 and used to hold horses and milk wagons!

Me and the hubs

Someone was pooped out by 7pm lol! Wrapped in my leopard snuggie.

I'm still here!

2010-04-05T10:43:00.000-07:00

Hi kids! Don't worry, sorry the lack of updates, I am busy making stuff in what ever spare time I have, so I can open an etsy shop, I shall update hopefully tomorrow, with easter pics!

In the mean time, check out these super cute new additions at Target! OMG I could so drap my entire paycheck on this stuff, so pretty pretty!

And these from Anthropologie! MMMM yummmmmy yummmmmyyy

BABY yourself~!

2010-03-30T06:20:00.000-07:00

Sometimes being a mom and trying to keep up appearances is tough. We all want to look like hot mommas, but with lack of sleep, lack of money and lack of energy, it's sometimes hard!

But fear not! Here are a few products of my babies that I like to use on myself from time to time, that really work!

Baby Shampoo:

not only is this GREAT for color treated hair, as it does not strip the color, it is also a great make-up brush wash! Gentle yet effective.

Baby Powder:

Sprinkle on your roots to soak up greasies between hair washes,

got spit up on your shoulder? if your not wearing black, sprinkle a bit on the spit up stain, and rub it in, it will soak up the spit up and make your shirt smell nice.

You can also use it as a deodorant in a pinch.

Aquaphor:( in case you don't have it were you live it is a really thick petroleum jelly)

put it on your feet before a run to prevent blisters, or on your thighs to ward of chaffing.

It is also a FABULOUS lip healer. Put some on your lips before bed.

Baby oil:

besides the obvious use of putting it in your bathwater for silky skin, it also works great to take off eye makeup! AND SPEAKING OF MAKEUP...

Baby Wipes:

work effortlessly to take off your make up if your just too tired to take it off before bed :)

Baby wash:

I LOVE to use Hudsons baby wash, he has the pink Johnson and Johnson stuff, and the cucumber melon scent, AND the lavender nighttime wash. All three of these work great on your momma skin too! the pink stuff is actually a moisture wash and will give you VERY soft scented skin. plus it save YOU money on shower soap, AND is gentle enough for your lady parts!

See, it really isn't that hard to be a "yummy mummy!"....most of the time anyways.....

Looky what I won!!

2010-03-28T10:14:00.000-07:00

From this rockin mama!

Mrs. Munster!!

I love, love love it!! And it fits better than I thought it would

( plus doesnt make my boobs look too bad either!)

Thanks Mrs. Munster! For giving it away! I cannot wait to wear it

the next time the hubby and I go out!

Craft projects accomplished!

2010-03-26T06:31:00.001-07:00

My mother watched the baby yesterday while I got a tone of craft stuff done, below is what I have been working on! Feels so good to get some stuff done.

The top shirt I made for Hudson my husbands car show, coming up in April. The second one I made because he (Hudson) is such a little flirt. If anyone would like to order one, let me know! I can put ANY design on it or picture that you want. They are only $12!

I just finished this embroidery, but I have NO idea what to do with it, any idea?Charm bracelet and necklace that I made for a coworkers grandchildren. These are also order able for 7-10 dollars a piece depending on the charms used and work involved. these were only 7 dollars. I also do resin cast charms. if you are interested.I am SO excited I saw this project here and HAD to make it. The heating grate was way expensive at Lowes (like 28 dollars for a 11X17 piece!) luckily, my father had a scrap piece from some restoration work he did recently! the frame is purple krylon sprayed, although you can't really see it. I LOVE this thing! and it makes me realize that yeah I need more jewelry lol. Boy and girl earrings are made by Rascal, as is the hair flower in the photo.

I got so much more stuff that I am working on, I am just at my happiest when I'm crafting!

If you are interested in any t shirts or jewelry, please contact me at immortaldesign1@gmail.com!

Early spring lunch break walk

2010-03-25T06:13:00.000-07:00

I really needed to get out of the office yesterday, so I decided to go to the park on my lunch and walk. It was so nice out,the sun was shining and the birds were out. a very refreshing reprieve from a hectic day.

The Geese Grazing in the park

Enjoying the view

I love this area.

River waterfall

A day with the family

2010-03-21T12:44:00.000-07:00

Finally , me my husband and the little man, spent some quality tome together as a family, we went to Jaime's Flea Market in Amherst, Bill had never been there, so I wanted to make sure to take him, Hudson LOVED it! All the things to look at and all the people, it was a beautiful day out, so we checked out the outside vendors as well as the inside vendors, Bill LOVES the flea market, we didn't find much ( well we did , but we have ti wait until we can get the little man a sitter and then Bill and I can go back and really take our time) i did find this milk glass vase and I thought would look really kewl on my dresser holding my bracelets, but it was 10 Dollars, and I wasn't willing to pay that much, I also saw a pin i wish I would have bought it was 7 dollars but i could have talked her down to 5 I'm sure, it was a silver tea pot with a silver string connected to a tea cup, it was a pin and SO reminded me of Alice and Wonderland, I swear if it is there the next time its MINE!!, we did also stop by an Amish stand for some

Beef Jerky mmmmmmmm, Nummies.

Trying on some new shades
Hudson is Styling

Then we went to eat at the Blue Sky restaurant, Hudson was sooo good all day and seemed to really enjoy everything.

Eating dinner at the blue sky

Of course when we got home, I gave the little man a bath and out he went! He slept so good, i told Bill we need to wear him out more often!

Well I'm off to go roast a chicken for dinner and make strawberry tarts mmm.

I also accomplished a few crafts this week, check back soon for updates on that!

The Bucket List

2010-03-19T08:13:00.000-07:00

Recently, a few people I knew passed away, and one lost his father. it got me thinking that we only have to long on this earth, aside from work and things we don't care for, shouldn't we also make a point to do SOME things that we REALLY want to do, that really MATTER to us personally, before we die? here is my ultimate bucket list.

In no particular order

1. Visit Los Angeles ( maybe get a tattoo at LA InK?),Swim in the natural hot springs of Iceland,Visit New Zealand ( Auckland or Wellington) ,Norway( i have always been fascinated with Norway, it is SUCH a beautiful country), Finland( same reason as Norway) and See all the Ancient ruins in Greece (Parthenon, Temple of Athena Nike ect). Visit London, and Paris

2. Bring Flowers to Marilyn Monroe's Grave. ( Life long dream)

3.See U2 Live ( I have already accomplished seeing the cure live two years ago)

4.Learn to knit.....but REEEAAALLY good. I have already taught my self how, but I need WAAAYY more practice. i want to make hats and really kewl shit.

5.Own a pair of Christian Laboutin Shoes...I will I will I Willl!!!!!!!!!!

6. Try Absinthe ( ever since NIN the perfect drug video, i have been obsessed with it, there is a true art to it, it is the Green Monster that no doubt made Van Gogh cut his ear off. and go mad., no i do not want to cut my ear off OR go mad LOL, word was he drank a very unpurified version of it, and drank it often.)

7.Go to Beauty School, (I already do my own hair coloring, i just need to learn to cut!)

8.See a Burlesque show ( most definitely Miss Dita at the Crazy Horse in Vegas!)

9. Get a pinup tattoo ( it is the only other tattoo i ever want to get.)Probably a Elvgren Pinup, blonde of course :)

10. Meet Tori Amos and Ani Difranco and tell them how much their music means to my soul. I grew up listening to these two powerful ladies, and their music has helped make me the woman I am today.

11. Learn to run and get my body to like it.( i am really not supposed to run, according to my physical therapist, but you know me, tell me I can't do something and well.........)

12.Have another child (yeah.. you heard me....I want a girl or anything healthy really, i want to give it another go, not NOW, but I am thirty one and have some time, maybe when Hudson is 4 or 5)

13. Open a coffee House, i have ALWAYS wanted to do this, maybe some day...... i got plans :)

Out Of The Mouth Of Babes

2010-03-16T08:01:00.000-07:00

This weeks quote (or quotes I should say) come from the naughty Tallulah Bankhead.

Tallulah, an actress of the silent screen and early films, was a renowned, actress, bi-sexual, boozer and drug user, she died in her sixties, but she lived every second of her fast life to the fullest.

"I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late start without me.

I'd rather be strongly wrong than weakly right.

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time."

Tallulah Bankhead

...and life steps in

2010-03-10T06:41:00.000-08:00

I really haven't blogged about my personal life lately, because there really hasn't been much going on! Which in a sense I suppose is good? But here is a catch up.
I had a wonderful weekend hanging out with the little man, he took his first trip to the grocery store, where he was actually sitting up in the cart instead of laying in his carrier. I got this great grocery cart seat liner, that you can attach toys to, and keeps his lil hands clean, I plopped him in the seat and away we went, his eyes were as wide as plates! Everything was so new and interesting, In the produce section, i showed him all the fruits and veggies and let him touch and explore what I put into the cart, and every time I took off to another isle he held on to the handlebar like he was going for a ride, laughing and kicking and smiling the whole time, he was fascinated with the coffee grinder as I was grounding up a fresh bag, he was so good, I am really blessed with one awesome child :)

We then went home and I had an ENORMOUS amount of laundry to catch up on, so i brought up two baskets, one with mine and my husbands clothes and smaller basket full of baby clothes, i sat him down on the floor and scattered some toys about for him to play with, i sat and folded my basket of clothes. He is so observant, he watched me for 10 minutes or so, they began reaching in HIS basket and taking clothes out acting like he was folding them, but of course just put them into a pile lol it was so awesome to see him learn and figure stuff out like that.

It was also so beautiful out all weekend that I took him for a walk sunday. he was purely in heaven:)

I cannot believe that he will be 8 months old on St. Patricks day, that's caarraazzy!!

I have also been busy planning our garden for this year, as you will remember we did it a few years ago. And it didn't turn out half bad, i was really impressed with what he had done, but last year I was pregnant and sick and missed out :(

This year it is ON!!!! I cannot wait to start tilling the soil, soon after mothers day when the threat of frost has decreased, i will plop Hudson down in the grass. And enjoy planting until my hearts content. This years crop will consist of ;cherry tomatoes ( since they have done so fabulously and actually came back this year without even doing anything) Green peppers,Onions, Chives, cilantro and we will see what else, i would like to do some lettuce, but they are space hogs, and we only have so much soil to work with. I cannot wait!!!

I have to go back this week and get another blood test to check my lymphocytes, you'll remember they were abnormal last time,I am not too worried about it now, Instead of freaking out, I had them send me my test results, so that I could view them over, and honestly they are not THAT high, my Atypical Lymphs are like 34, but my White Blood Cell count is really just 5 digits over what it should be. I suspect its my sinuses causing the issue,as my head and teeth have been aching on and off. Anyways, looking forward to getting that over with.

I have now lost a total of 6 pounds or so I started at 178 and am now at 172 YAAY!!!! Getting up at 5:30 am and working out four days a week really works! plus my eating habits have changed dramatically, hardly any refined sugar ( save for the occasional piece of chocolate) all whole wheat carbs no white carbs, and tons of fruits and veggies. I have to say I am even feeling better now! it is hard though, some days I have to rearrange my morning a bit to fit my workout in, and I suffer daily Hamburger and cheeseburger cravings, and ice cream.....mmmmmmmm But i have strong willpower when needed and so far so good. i didn't notice that I am a real emotional eater, I eat when I happy, when I am nervous and upset, when i am bored and when I think "I deserve to eat sweets". the trouble for me has been deciphering whats going on when I eat, deciding when I am really hungry and when I am otherwise.

I am working on a ton of craft stuff, i just have my dirty little hands in EVERYTHING. but I have successfully taught myself to knit!! in 1 week! I even knitted a long rectangle looking thing LOL. it was full of practice knits so nothing really functional. But now I will start on maybe a scarf then move on to a pattern.

PHEW sorry for the long winded post! But that's about it!

Love and hugs
xoxoxoxoxox

Out Of The Mouth Of Babes

2010-03-09T06:09:00.003-08:00

This weeks quote come from the tittilating Miss Bettie Paige..............

"Being in the nude isn`t a disgrace unless you`re being promiscuous about it. After all, when God created Adam and Eve, they were stark naked. And in the Garden of Eden,

God was probably naked as a jaybird too!"

"I never kept up with the fashions. I believed in wearing what I thought looked good on me."

Laundry Day

2010-03-08T13:11:00.000-08:00

The Little man helped me with the laundry yesterday :)

Retro Rama ( ads of the weird)

2010-03-04T07:59:00.000-08:00

Vintage beauty Ads:
Aren't these so fun? Click on any ad for a better view!

I have to say I really love this hairstyle~!

Dita!!!

2010-03-03T07:16:00.000-08:00

As you may know I LOOOOOOOVe me some Dita Von Teese!

So I almost jumped out of my skin when I heard last year that she was planning on writing a beauty book,well I hadn't heard about anything for awhile, and now I just found out that it will be coming out next year!!!! Below is the info that I found:

“It’s a book for girls who hate being told to wear ‘tasteful’ make-up,” the 37-year-old star said. “It’s for girls who dare to be different. My friends who wear natural make-up take longer to put on their natural make-up than I do to put on my unnatural make-up.”

“I do not want to get photographed or even recognised with no make-up at all and my hair looking a mess,” she told The Daily Beast website. “I really feel that it’s important and I’m standing up for what I believe in. I want to get the message out to women that you’ll inevitably feel better if you just take a minute for yourself and do that. I like to remind people that the day you go out looking like a full disaster is the day you’re gonna run into your ex-boyfriend or your ex-husband’s new wife or something crazy like that.”

I cannot WAIT!!! It will be the beauty bible for me!

Out Of The Mouth Of Babes

2010-03-02T12:23:00.000-08:00

This weeks Quote comes from the Luscious Jayne Mansfield.........

I will never be satisfied. Life is one constant search for the betterment of me.
Jayne Mansfield

Retro Rama ( ads of the weird)

2010-02-25T10:54:00.000-08:00

Medicinal Ads of Yorn (most if not ALL of these, contain highly illegal substances)

Pills for depression
So let me get this straight, your kid is scared of going to the doctor, and your going to shove a suppository up thier rear full of hallucinagens? AWESOME!!!

Heroin

Cocaine for KIDS!!!

LMAO!! Mabel is Unstable

hmmm, something isn't right here.

Out Of The Mouth Of Babes

2010-02-24T11:09:00.000-08:00

Todays quote is from the Maddeningly beautiful

Rita Hayworth

We are all tied to our destiny and there is no way we can liberate ourselves.-
Rita Hayworth

Things i am currently OBSESSED with

2010-02-22T07:28:00.000-08:00

1. Adam LambertI am in no way an American Idol fan,however, this guy caught my attention last year, and I really dig him, his style, everything about him is FABULOUS. Maybe it's because I have a thing for boys in eye liner, maybe it's because I have thing for gay guys, who knows,

but he rocks my world.

2. Being tanEvery spring I go through this, it's a love hate thing really, but the older I get the more I want to do it, I am extremely fair, and can't lay in the sun ( no one should anyways) and tanning beds are no good either, with skincancer running in my family, I can't afford to take risks, so this year I am setting out to find the perfect self tanner. One that doesn't turn me orange would be great, I will probably also start it off by getting a base professional spray tan.

Then do up keep from there. If anyone knows of any good self tanners

please please let me know.

3. Decorating

This goes two ways, first I have been obessed with making one of these to hold all my jewelry, but I am having a hard time finding the radiator grate used here by DESIGN GAL, or rather I DID find something similar, but it was waaaay too expensive for a piece of laser cut metal, so I may just use chicken wire, wich won't be AS nice, but functionable non the less.

The is a new catalog I stumbled upon Ballard Designs, OMG!!! Where has THIS been? They sell upholstry and all sorts of decorating things, a bit expensive, but the catalog is great to look at for inspiration, the hubby and I are obsessed with it latley.

4. Shoes...Christian Laboutin....particularly..although I do not own one single pair ( I WISH!!) I have loved Laboutin shoes for years, and I can usually spot them when I see them on a celeb. His website is also pretty nifty, if you want to check it out http://www.christianlouboutin.com/

5. Getting fit and losing the baby weight.

this absolutley HAS to happen, now it is no longer a want but a medical NEED, considering my tryglicerdies are so amazingly awful, and I hardly get any exercise

( what, you mean carrying an 18 pound kid around isn't a work out????)

I decided to get proactive and buy a gazelle.....mainly because I couldn't afford an elliptical trainer, and this is darn close enough. I got up this morning, at 5:30 am, grabbed my ipod, put on the Black eyed peas and Janet Jackson, with a side of Jay-z and Kanye and I was off! I did thrity minutes,...it was the most horrible 30 minutes of my life lol. ( kidding it wasnt that bad) but I am MAJORLY out of shape. My plan is 5 days a week for 30 minutes,

Plus some strength training and yoga.

My diet has also got a major overhaul, no more refined sugar, and cut down ont he saturated fat.
I got to admit it's HAAAARD because I love food, and it's not easy to eat a grilled chicken salad, when everyone else is eating big greasy hamburgers and fries, but it's comforting toknow that I am feeding my body what it needs to be healthy. And I know it WILL pay off.

it better dammit, because I am craving some SERIOUS salt and vinegar chips right now lol.

The Gazelle now sitting in my workout room

A book I would like to chekc out if I good get through Twilight first!

6. These two wonderful gals

Kandee from http://www.kandeethemakeupartist.blogspot.com/

Gala from http://www.galadarling.com/

These two girls make my day, they are so SOOOOO positive and gorgeous, I know I have mentioned Gala before, like a broken record but I can't help it, she is SO fun and inspirational, her page is colorful and a welcome escape from monotiny.

Kandee is also a newer inspiration to me, i found her by accident while looking up make-up tutorials one day, she has been through SO much in her life yet she is still shining and beautiful. I mean come on, doesn't that picture above of her make you wanna smile?

7. The Fredericks of Hollywood Corset bra.

yes I am showing you my bra, why? BECAUSE IT ROCKS!!!! my hubby bought it for me this weekend, and OMG!! it is comfy and sexy and hides all the little fatty bits that pop out. And chekc this out! My pregnancy left my 36 c's with 40 D's!!! WOOHOO!!! Hope I don't loose them when I lose wieght lol :( I have been wanting this bra since I was 3 months pregnant and saw it in the catalog, andnow it's mine!!! LOL I just realized somthing, i saw this picture was like (hey I didnt know you could cross the straps), so I felt my bra and , sure enough you can!!!! Awesome!

on a final note, i was looking up pictures of the corset bra, and ran into this picture.

WHOA!!!!

Ow.....

YOU ARE FABULOUS!!!!

XOXOXOXO Heather

Dear Husband

2010-02-18T13:47:00.000-08:00

If The Stars Were Mine

If the stars were mine I'd give them all to you

I'd pluck them down right from the sky and leave it only blue

I would never let the sun forget to shine upon your face so when others would have rain clouds you'd have only sunny days

If the stars were mine I'd tell you what I'd do

I'd put the stars right in a jar and give them all to you

If the birds were mine I'd tell them when to sing

I'd make them sing a sonnet when your telephone would ring

I would put them there inside the square, whenever you went out

so there'd always be sweet music whenever you would walk about

If the birds were mine I'd tell you what I'd do

I'd teach the birds such lovely words and make them sing for you

If the world was mine I'd paint it gold and green

I'd make the oceans orange for a brilliant color scheme I

would color all the mountains, make the sky forever blue

So the world would be a painting and I'd live inside with you

If the world was mine I'd tell you what I'd do

I'd wrap the world in ribbons and then give it all to you

I'd teach the birds such lovely words and make them sing for you

I'd put those stars right in a jar...and.......... give them all...to you.......

XOXOXOXO I love you SO much

Photos I am in love with

2010-02-18T06:46:00.000-08:00

Very kewl

I really really love this photo, very kewl idea

Silly, everyone knows Models dont eat carbs!

Retro Rama ( ads of the weird)

2010-02-17T08:14:00.001-08:00

LMAO!!Sweet! Free Copy of Rectal Disorders!!And These kids are just freaking creepy!!!!
This kid alomost looks like maybe he cut up his entire family and blended them into the beans, A young Hannibal Lecter maybe?

Seriously? how many kids to you know that get excited about ham and peas!!

Out Of The Mouth Of Babes

2010-02-16T06:28:00.000-08:00

Todays quote comes from the wonderful Oprah Winfrey.

( yes I admit I love my Oprah!),

(Also this quote I though really embodied what I am going through right now)

"Where there is no struggle, there is no strength. -Oprah Winfrey"

Test results and needless worry

2010-02-16T05:42:00.000-08:00

Well this week doesn't appear to be starting off any better than last. But I am finally learning why.

I got my test results yesterday, my thyroid function is good, glucose is good, iron levels are good, my total cholesterol is ok and I tested negative for HS CRP (heart disease protein) which is all good.

But my triglycerides which is part of cholesterol is SKY HIGH, it should be anywhere from 30-150 mine?............350!!!!!! I about passed out when I heard the nurse say that. I asked her what the hell I could be eating to make it so high, she said "do you eat alot of carbs?" no. "do you eat alot of fat?" not really. "do you eat alot of sugar?".....bingo. I eat a TON of sugar, so I got online last night and looked up all the foods that can make triglycerides go up, and I am pretty much eating all the really bad ones without even knowing it, Palm oil, kernel oil, coconut oils, fructose, sucrose, margarine, vegetable oils. My fake coffe creamer I read is a HUGE factor, I looked at the back of the carton this morning , it's about 80 percent of these oils!!!!! Ewww! Same with my beloved Swiss Miss Hot Cocoa!!

The doctor wants me to exercise more, and take fish oil to bring down my triglycerides, as well as sprinkle flaxseed on my oatmeal (oh...yummy) but I am going to do it, I NEED to.

As far as the exercise portion is concerned, I left work early last week and purchased an elliptical trainer, (whether I could afford it or not, I financed it.) Priorities are priorities, and working out will help lower my levels and control my stress.

My vitamin D levels are also "pretty low" as the nurse puts it, which brings me to another issue, my depression, if my D levels are low, that could also be why my depression has gotten considerably worse over that past few weeks. I am supposed to hear back from my OB today on increasing my Zoloft dose, and I have to take 1000 IU's of D a day, plus calcium. PHEW!

The other thing that was off was my Lymphocytes ( white blood cells) they were up. The nurse said it most likely means that I have a virus, like a cold, but I don't FEEL sick ( aside from some sinus pain) she said that she will retest me again in 4 weeks to see if that level has gone down.

Here is where I freak out..... so for some reason I immediately think OMG my lymphocytes are up , lymphocytes =Lymphoma????!! yes....I am THAT ridiculous, no I couldn't just think maybe I was carrying H1n1 or even Mono, no i went straight to Lymphoma???!
I know that I am being very ridiculous here lol. But that worries me more than my triglycerides do! Knowing damn well if my level were THAT bad that the doctor would have probably wanted to do more tests immediately, but who knows. I need to chill. For real.

So yeah that about it, he wants me on a low fat very low sugar diet (OH FUN!!!) wants me to take fish oil twice a day, vitamin d and calcium supplements.

Sigh it's all so very overbearing. but at the same time, i went in and had this test on my own reconnaissance, to make SURE that my health was good after the birth of Hudson. The only ting I cant figure is having a baby must have depleted some of my levels, and that this is a good thing, this is my body's response that I need to change some ways. At 31 I'm not old, but I am no spring chicken either. I HAVE to take better care of my self, it's essential.

I just wish I would stop worrying.

lol

2010-02-15T08:36:00.000-08:00

Ok someone just told me that I look like Rachel Harris with my new color and my glasses.

LOL yeah I can actually see that lol.

A change.....

2010-02-15T07:58:00.000-08:00

Soooo....

What do you think? I needed a change, my hair has been light blonde for AGES, and while my natural color is light ash blonde, I thought this was a nice dark blonde. Makes my eyes pop for sure! And the hubby just LOVES it! I do too, I may just keep it for awhile.

It was a wonderful weekend,babyfest galore! I just enjoyed immersing myself in chubby baby deliciousness. MMMMMM baby.

Sat, we went to my mom and dads with the baby, and Sunday I took him to the coffee shop to meet Miss. Julia for coffee :)

if you got a pair of boobs, this kid will sleep on you for HOURS!!

I also FINALLY got around to taking a picture of the Red Shoes i got on Ebay for like freaking 2.99!!

They look even better in person!!

They are actually pretty darn comfy, I cannot WAIT to wear them this spring!

I got alot going on this week, I have also been commisioned to make 5 charms bracelets for someone, so I am excitied to make a prophet off of that! Yay craft time!

Hope you all have a lovely week!

YOU ARE FABULOUS!!!
XOXOXOOX
Heather

Alexander McQueen dead at 40

2010-02-12T07:33:00.000-08:00

(From the McQueen website)

On behalf of Lee McQueen's family, Alexander McQueen today announces the tragic news that Lee McQueen, the founder and designer of the Alexander McQueen brand has been found dead at his home. At this stage it is inappropriate to comment on this tragic news beyond saying that we are devastated and are sharing a sense of shock and grief with Lee's family.Lee's family has asked for privacy in order to come to terms with this terrible news

and we hope the media will respect this.

A very sad day for me yesterday, he was one of my favortie designers.

Can we talk?

2010-02-11T05:51:00.000-08:00

I am having a rough time as of late, my depression has snuck up on me yet again, it started obviously when I was 5 months pregnant, the doctor put me on 50 mg of Zoloft, to hopefully counteract the post partum depression that I would surely go through given my past history of depression. I started to feel ok, despite some natural mood swings after birth,, but then I was ok. Up until right now that is. The past three weeks it has gotten progressively worse, the tightness in my chest, the feeling that I cant breathe, the anxiety, the feeling over being way overwhelmed, guilt, sadness, you name it, I am a regular poopy party over here.

I have been trying to just sort of ignore it, hoping that maybe it was because I still don't get enough sleep, or the weather. But after I was sitting on the couch last night, holding Hudson while he slept, and crying my eyes out, telling him how I am so sorry I have to work full time, and that I hope he knows who I am , and that out of all the people he is handed off to in a day, that I am still his only mommy. Pretty much convinced that will forget that I am his mom.

Don't get me wrong, life has been no bowl of cherries to say the least. I barley make anything at all, and this past year I made even less thanks to an unpaid part of my maternity leave. My husbands business isn't doing real well, I have loads of debt, because I have to use credit cards to get us through to pay for Hudson's expensive formula, or diapers, because my check and his only stretches so far.

I have applied for a few new positions in my company, and am hoping that I get one of them , but who knows. i am taking on twice the work as I did before and essentially am getting paid less thanks to my skyrocketing health insurance this year (went up and extra 100 a month) and my stupid Federal taxes that jumped 60 dollars and month. pretty much leaves me two hundred dollars short each month.

It;s cold out, windy , grey and snowy. No fun there.

I feel horrible and guilty that I cant be at home with my baby more,then when I am home , nothing gets done because I want to spend ever waking moment with him.

I haven't done many crafts lately, because by the time I put him to bed, I am so exhausted, I usually fall asleep in the bathtub while I am trying to relax.

I need to go to the doctor on sat, and have blood drawn for a Cholesterol and Lipid panel check, the Doctor is also concerned that my father had a heart attack at age 36. And with me being 31 now, he wants to test me for HS CRP a heart disease protein,so you KNOW I am freaking out about those results.

He said I need to lose 20 pounds because my blood pressure is up,so that I need to do more cardio. but I have NO IDEA how the hell I am going to fit THAT in...............sigh

I need an outlet. Maybe I do need cardio, but with the weather so shitty around here, I have no were to go! And I don't have time for a gym, I need an elliptical or treadmill in my house. But then when would I use it.

Having absolutely NO MONEY is certainly not helping, that means no money for crafts, or to get my hair trimmed (which btw it is in DESPERATE NEED) or to even get a damn coffee on Friday mornings from McDonald's, or the vitamins I need to take, NOTHING.

I know, ....I need to just breathe and try to relax, worrying will get me no where.

It just seems that I cannot keep up with my life,there is too much going on and I cant do it all. And that in and of its self hurts.

Hopefully the doctor calls me back this afternoon, and increases my meds. because I am reaching a breaking point.

Much Love
Heather

Out Of The Mouth Of Babes

2010-02-09T07:34:00.000-08:00

This Weeks Quote is from the uniquely wonderful

Anais Nin

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
"

"People living deeply have no fear of death. "

New Ad Campaign for Burberry

2010-02-08T10:24:00.001-08:00

I looooove me some Burberry, and Emma Watson looks smashing in these ads! I NEED that purple trench! Watch me try to find it on Ebay, WATCH ME!!!